What’s the pay?

Well I wasn’t, but I guess I got a new project down in the septic

Yeah, that dog you came in with? It’s really only 75% dog. You need 100% dog grade dog, now with extra bark, or your sins, I know this dude and he’s going to make your sins not fall off the truck this year. I neeeeed that extra dog. Make with the extra twenty five percent dog please.

Sorry that’s what comes to mind when you say my animal needs to be more pure. I’m not claiming it’s clever, or funny, just that it’s blasphemous woo

He didn’t destroy the property, he just rearranged it.

Yeah but has another species invented machines that exist solely to torment others of the same species (printers)?

Yeah but what has it done for you lately

i mean the pulsing shadow from wind that one hour a day can get pretty annoying and you might have to buy a blackout curtain. maybe two!

i remember being promised a toothbrush and a pony. i would like my pony to be one of those fancy electric ones, my dentist has advised me those are better.

oregon isn’t segregated it was just illegal to be black until some embarrassing time i forget

bay area, california, and folk use religion as their segregator. if they want to be surrounded by all white people they pick a religion/cult that has only white people going to it. have their kids go to their youth group, do their polyarhythmiac jazz prom, go to their halloween harvest dinner/chili cookoff and kick all their bland white bean turkey chili bell peppers too spicy asses, sorry i had a point somewhere but i remembered some ptsfuckingd chili and that shit does things to you. like, i don’t think my great/grand/parents joined the cults they joined because they were racists, i think they joined because they were lonely and being racist was something people didn’t end relationships over. you end relationships over white grandma turkey chili that’s got no spice in it oh your god cassie. or your sister cassie’s god it doesn’t matter. drop an ancho and a bar of chocolate in it and pretend just don’t please gods please don’t enter it in the contest again i’m not tasting it if i’m a judge.

don’t join cults kids, you might end up eating some nasty fucking ass chili do your worst hyphen clown asses

my other cat tried to top it by getting very sassy and blurry

by grabthar’s hammer are you telling me that stargate ess gee one the… Historical Documents contain minor innacuracies? hahhaaaa i am aware of the ruse known as deception but i would not expect it in our… Historical Documents.

i have now. why is this not part of church in cheese country is what i want to know

A mammal with a cloaca, yeah. A cool mammal.

You’re the wizard pope, you’re from wherever I get my weed gets my weed from.

Could have sworn it was from ishtar, who was from Babylon, but I’m no expert

Okay but that’s still not the point. The point is I had this dream where instead of a big stone wheel in front of the tomb, they put a big wheel of cheese. And it was up to you and me to help [Cheesus] eat his holy way out of the tomb so grab a cracker.

The point is I like cheese and if we can make a religion around it I’m there.

edit: it was right there i don’t know why i missed it the first time

And the beady eyes of a foccacia hammocker

i would wager you’re missing electrolytes. that’s what it is when i feel that way. i will grab some gatorade or other sports drink (get the one with sugar unless you have diabetes), mix it with an equal part water because deer gods it is too sugary, then add a one-fingered pinch (something like a quarter teaspoon, but it doesn’t have to be precise) of table salt. not enough to make it taste salty. more salt than it already has. i drink that when i’m dehydrated. it’s the about the right salinity to absorb fast, and the sports drink bullshit makes it not taste horrible.