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Joined 22 days ago
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Cake day: January 30th, 2025

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  • this is an interesting question. i’m transmasc and a little over five years since coming out and starting HRT. i’m also pretty old (for the internet, anyways), so i had lived a life while presenting female - i have a lot of experiences, memories, friends, ect from that time period

    i never had dreams where i was a man, pre-transition. even nowadays, sometimes i dream and it uses my past self concept as a woman. it was a little surprising to realize i had dreams where i was a man, actually (which would have probably been a few years after i transitioned). but it varies, and i don’t put too much stock in it. it was hard enough for me to figure out that i’m a man, i don’t hold it against my dreams or whatever. and, conversely, it doesn’t bring me a ton of relief if i have a dream where i am a man, because i am one when i wake up, and that’s all that matters to me

    in a lot of ways though, when i dream, my essence is that of myself, with the traits that i largely identify as - not male or female, but rather, determined, persevering, and intent on finding truth. these define who i am much more than my gender, in my dreams

    all that said, the question about self concept is the hardest one for me to answer. i feel like an entirely separate person - albeit one who has the memories of another person’s lived life - and, in a way, the same heart. however, there is a definite break between where she ended and i began, which was marked by the moment i realized that i’m trans. so i don’t really know how to answer that, maybe it’s a slower and less traumatic experience for others? i had to forget everything i had learned, i had to rediscover who i was from scratch. in doing so, i realized that many things i attributed to “who i am” were much more tenuous than i had previously believed

    but i think that’s a good realization, to know that you’ll still be yourself no matter what changes. it frees you to grow as a person, without clinging to notions of who you were or who you should be

    no matter what you need to do to survive or blend in, no matter what body you have, don’t forget or doubt yourself in your womanhood

    i might have had more to write, but i’m too sleepy and thought it would be better to write this out before i forgot. i’m looking forward to reading more of the responses in this thread later though