Seryph

Hi hi~ I felt like I should post a little update on how things have been going. Unfortunately I'm still super busy so I won't be active (thesis hell is real) but I also wanted to let you all know I'm alive and doing good. Very good actually.

Immediately I'm really proud of where I've gotten even if it's not quite as far as I'd have liked. I currently have more money saved up than I had when I got kicked out 2 years ago and idk, even though its not a lot I'm really really proud of myself for reaching this point. All my grad applications are in and I'm hopeful about my chances too, and I'm getting ready to move for grad school this summer. I'm still really busy though, I kinda gave myself way too much work this semester and I'm still kinda recovering from that which has been messing with my theses more than I'd have liked.

On the trans side I started prog and its been nice (though has definitely had its effects on me), also made some closer irl friendships which have been helpful too.

And the biggest bit is I have a partner now and we're so gay oml. Unfortunately its long distance but we've been spending so much time together and its been so nice and comfortable and its just feels right. We were already best friends for like the past year, but now, ah I love zir so much ze's so perfect and aaahhhhhhh.~ Its been so nice and I'm so happy and excited about everything moving forward.

I mentioned this already on tracha, but I think I'm going to log off and touch grass for a while, at least a month, probably longer. I just have too much going on right now, I feel like I'm drowning. Holding a full time job, school work, irl social obligations, online social obligations... I just can't anymore. So I'll be taking a break to focus on myself for a while.

me, I am a pure a precious angel who can do no wrong

spoiler

Hard disagree, I do not want to potentially accidentally hit the dress even a little bit, not to mention how annoying holding up a petticoat or long dress is, sitting is better for both

ALSO WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN LYN IS UMA MUSUME NOW

>New FE mobile game got shadowdropped last night

>The protagonist is a lesbian puppygirl forced to be a boy in public for political reasons

How is this game real

You can just be bi and mostly lesbian lol. I've started just calling my own sexuality "sapphic" on account of it being basically lesbian but with potential exceptions wherein I'm still mostly attracted to the person's femininity. Like Yuri in FE3H (can you tell my brain is completely colonised rn)

Edelgard.. Did some things wrong.

Congrats!! It is annoying how hard they can be to find. I'm glad you finally found one!

Oooh, that does sound like it'd be really fun. I hope you have a good time!

Vampireposting (cw: blood)

The feminine urge to kiss a woman with a cut and bleeding lip

The feminine urge to bite my lip until it bleeds to tease vampiregf into kissing me

Mood, one of the smaller things that made me get a little disillusioned with t4t is how like 90% of the trans people where I live are poly. I love that for all of them, but I'm way too possessive to be poly myself so I effectively have to date cis women because of it. Which then doesn't work out either for other reasons.

Cuuuuute. I've been eyeing getting a cute one piece with a skirt at some point but I feel like my dysphoria would still be too strong to go swimming anytime soon so I've put it off.

Egg prime directive stuff, vaguely in reply to the other posts in the thread, but not really directly towards anyone in specific, more just general feelings. Honestly some pretty angry feelings too.

Sorry, having actually had someone repeatedly insist I'd be a trans woman prior to my egg cracking, and having experienced the way I was pushed into further denial for months by it, I thoroughly disagree with everyone else in this thread. It's telling that the majority of people I've ever seen who actually had someone directly tell them they were trans has had similar experiences to myself (like this recent example on Tumblr. Honestly this example is even worse insofar as people kept insisting on it despite her and her friends repeatedly asking them to stop).

Sure, parts of these feelings often stem from internalised transphobia, from the worries that come in with thinking you can't actually change your gender and the denials that come through that. But it's not internalised transphobia to just have a negative reaction to someone trying to insist on your gender identity regardless of yourself. Can you seriously not recognise how insisting a gender upon someone else feels? Especially when the person isn't ready to think about it themselves? There's far more going on in that interaction. If the egg is still in a precontemplation stage, that is to say not even questioning and unable to recognise their dysphoria as dysphoria, it's just going to backfire insofar as they aren't psychologically ready to actually grapple with it yet. This isn't just a trans thing, it happens for plenty of other psychological phenomenon too, so saying it's just internalised transphobia is reductive. In practice, someone in that state will push back against the attempt, they'll usually instead go further into denial and distress like I did, and probably feel less comfortable sharing the egg feelings in the future, which in turn makes it take even longer for them to recognise it and receive support when they are ready for it. Even once they do recognise it, the feelings of doubt that get instilled in you from having been told directly that you are trans isn't going to just go away right then. "What if I just think I'm trans because x insisted on it so much?" Plus, quite frankly, again pulling from my own experience, it also just feels like the other person is trying to strip your agency from you, to insist that what you think you are is profoundly wrong and that it is obvious to others. I know that's not the intent, but that's how it feels for the egg in question, how I felt when it happened. I've seen this repeatedly and I feel like everyone insisting that the egg prime directive is just transphobic is, frankly, not thinking about the implications on what will happen to the egg after the attempted breaking. This isn't even getting into eggs in actively dangerous situations wherein cracking before they're ready will make them go further into suicidal ideation among other things.

This doesn't mean you can't do anything to help eggs recognise their transness. Remember, the specific wording of the directive is not that you can't help people recognise that they are trans. It is very specifically to not tell people directly that they are or are not trans. Pulling from the Gender Dysphoria Bible's site statement on it (IE the site that popularised it in the first place):

"My good friend Lily coined the phrase “Egg Prime Directive” to describe the fact that trans people have an unspoken agreement not to tell people who are questioning their gender whether or not they are trans.

When someone is just told they are trans, that opens ground for denial; it activates defense mechanisms built by internalized transphobia, and it has a high probability of pushing them further into the closet, if not making them outright transphobic. Even when it doesn’t, it leaves ground for their own subconscious to reject their dysphoria, claiming that they were just manipulated or deceived. The much more effective strategy is to talk about your own experiences with dysphoria so that they see the common grounds and come to their own conclusion about their gender. The code doesn’t forbid helping them to explore their gender; it forbids assigning a gender to them. Or, to put it more succinctly, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself." (Emphasis mine)

It is fine to help people with exploring their genders, and I actively support doing so and have done it before. But there's a huge difference between giving people support and the space to contemplate themselves, and outright telling them 'you are trans.' This distinction gets constantly lost on both sides of this debate and it feels like I'm going fucking crazy for noticing it. For cis shits (and trans pick mes) they usually insist that any statement or relationthat implies potential transness is itself breaking the directive. Regarding this, I do agree there ought to be some pushback. Tommasi's example earlier is an example of a certain level of hypocrisy, wherein people are fine with saying that it's okay to be cis but not fine with saying it's okay to be trans. (though notably, the example is leaving the option open rather than insisting that is who the person is, so it's not entirely the same as what the directive is meant to forbid. I maintain that saying "it's okay to be trans" to someone actively questioning is not the same thing as saying "you are/may be/are not trans" and is fine, insofar as it's opening the option but is not prescribing it to them.)

But the flipside, to insist upon breaking every single egg you see because it will "push against the transphobia and cisnormativity of the directive" (as quite a few trans people are currently wont to do) is ludicrous and will result in pushing people back into the closet more often than not. The way to help people crack their eggs is actively creating a space and listening instead of trying to crack it for them, no matter how frustrating it can get to listen to them sometimes. But this requires far more effort and, importantly, isn't really something you can do with strangers (unless they seek out trans spaces first). It's something you do to help people you have actual connections with and can understand. It's to insist that the decision is up to them, and that it's okay to not be sure just yet. Because the only person that can decide if they're actually trans is them.

Sorry this discourse just genuinely pisses me off every time given my experience with it. Feel free to argue against it if you want, I just probably won't reply. I wouldn't budge on this one anyways given my experience so I see no point. I think I'm gonna log off.

Yesss exciting! I hope the shoes are comfy and I'm sure you will make a lovely outfit

They're actually painted as French WW1, they're blue. In general their aesthetic is a mishmash of WW1 Western Front, they have French trenchcoats, British gasmasks, and a cross between a French Adrian and German Stalhelm (the top ridge is from the adrian, but the sides are stalhelm). The main thing that pushes them into being read as german first and foremost is the name.

Red Army krieg looks good though, I've seen some great takes on it in the past.

Having said all that, there was a long period where GW moved away from the blue in favour of presenting them in a green during the FW years, and the new blue that they're currently using is too desaturated to immediately read as blue to people even though it is. And Krieg's got a huge nazi problem in its fanbase just like Black Templars do since the aesthetics and themes appeal to fashies even if they aren't actually based on nazi or even just german uniforms.

It's telling that fashies go for Krieg instead of Steel Legion despite Steel Legion actually being based on nazi paratrooper uniforms with a afrikakorps paint scheme (though they also use british gasmasks) insofar as it shows them being drawn to the death cult and "dying for your nation's honour" stuff of Krieg and, possibly, them trying to take advantage of Krieg's higher popularity to spread the ideology. Amusingly though I find the fashies get very mad when you point out Krieg is French, so I always make sure to do it.

Just got asked by two different old ladies at the local crafts market if I'm studying fashion. I am simply too good at fashion.

🎀 Seryph (She/Her)

@ Seryph @lemmygrad.ml

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🎀 Seryph (She/Her)

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