HexaSnoot [none/use name]

@ HexaSnoot @hexbear.net

Posts

38
Comments

301
Joined

3 yr. ago

As I've learned, if you like/really like/love them as friends, expressing in some way that you do, and that you want to become a bigger part of each other's lives because you value your time together, is very important. Sometimes people are already looking for people who value time with them enough to want more closeness, and need a sign who of their friends is that.

I realized I couldn't know for sure if my friend didn't want the same. Just like you they could desire the same and have any number of their own reasons to not have transparently told you.

Remember capitalism creates atomization that makes people act anxiously distant in their own bubbles. It increases the number of times people think "If they really cared enough to bond more with me, they would've insert sign of interest by now." I wouldn't be surprised if this has applied to most members of the human race. In retrospect, many people really liked me but I wouldn't vulnrably show how deeply I wanted more platonic intimacy, and it cost me(and still costs me) close friendships and lots of socializing experiences.

1d ago

About fatphobia, how do you stay proudly loving your body and showing yourself off despite other's self-projections of their own insecurities onto you?

I don't like it, but I know for most of my childhood I felt I could never wear a crop top in my life even though I was already thin. Then, 15 lbs less than now, I did it comfortably when I was a little fat. In retrospect, as a child I was the one projecting my own shame on my stomach, and I know I'm doing it now. Especially when someone obese like comedian Stavros Halkias frequently goes shirtless, has a shirtless statue of himself, and describes how he feels absolutely dashing about his looks. But he's immensely confident, with great assertive comebacks to any insult I've heard people tell him at his shows, and I'm not. Maybe I just need to build an arsenal of simple responses to someone acting disgusted at my stomach.

1d ago

Trans Megathread from January 19th, 2025 to January 25th, 2026

If you're confident your two friends won't out you, you could figure out along the way who else will also be safe to tell later. I understand though, learning who you can also trust to never, ever out you without your permission can be tricky.

1d ago

Trans Megathread from January 19th, 2025 to January 25th, 2026

I'm so sorry your skin is irritated like this.

I know this is unsolicited advice, but this makes me recall when used to shave against the grain of my hair everywhere. It could get rashy and dry. Do you want a lotion reccomendation that didn't burn/irritate my skin at all, and prevented itching for days?

In a pinch, when I ran out of lotion and itched terribly, a thin coat of petroleum jelly helped. I made sure to wash and dry my hands first so the salt from my sweat didn't transfer onto my skin.

Both did great at helping my skin heal.

2d ago

Trans Megathread from January 19th, 2025 to January 25th, 2026

HexaSnoot [none/use name] @hexbear.net 2d ago

I want to be close with people my friend is close with. So when they asked if I wanted to hang out with their loved one, I told them just that. They felt touched by me saying that, and they started introducing me to their friends a little more. I'm feeling like a bigger part of my friend's life now.

2d ago

About fatphobia, how do you stay proudly loving your body and showing yourself off despite other's self-projections of their own insecurities onto you?

HexaSnoot [none/use name] @hexbear.net 2d ago

good for her not being suicidal i guess but "life is worth enduring horrible torture" is not an opinion i am capable of understanding.

I meant to say her words helped me with SI. But I have breaks between my pain so I really can't speak for having chronic pain at the level where I can never perceive my physical beauty. I'm sorry you deal with that.

3d ago

About fatphobia, how do you stay proudly loving your body and showing yourself off despite other's self-projections of their own insecurities onto you?

Disability that's reinforced by societal failings suck. I am disabled and I understand my own case of this. And my body is still mine as long as I'm alive. I will do my best to see it in the light of self compassion and see it's still beautiful after everything. My body endlessly does me noble deeds in that, regardless of all harm I've suffered, it lends me life and keeps me alive. When I show myself off, I'm displaying that this is what resilience looks like. And I can be increasingly grateful for my resilience and happier about my image. I'm starting to think, "I suffer so much, who in my position has time for feeling shame about the thing in this universe that's done me the most favors?"

I remember a woman, who survived being a comfort woman at the hands of Japanese soldiers who'd invaded China, expressed that life is so beautiful that if she could only subsist on wild herbs to see it, she would. This helped me with SI from my trauma and disability, and helped me value my body more.

It's okay if you don't feel this is true for you. There are aspects of each emotional moment you can be introspective about, and you've clearly been very materialistic about what causes your despair. I just hope you're proud of your resilience and are not ashamed if you ever want to show it off body-wise. Because the onus of the bodily damage you suffer is on mass societal failure, not you. While not everyone wants to show off their forms of scars, I try to choose visibility.

Maybe for you right now, the point is not to see that your body is a deeply magical thing, but I think its good to return to that understanding when you feel slightly better in little moments.

3d ago

About fatphobia, how do you stay proudly loving your body and showing yourself off despite other's self-projections of their own insecurities onto you?

Oh hell yeah! You can protect yourself and you're still fit. I wanna practice a mean right hook too.

3d ago

About fatphobia, how do you stay proudly loving your body and showing yourself off despite other's self-projections of their own insecurities onto you?

maybe remind yourself that showing off your body in a very small way impacts societal norms as well.

Right, people think dress codes are an actual thing. You can dress traditionally to your culture, but me going outside of it isn't actually breaking anything but other's personal rules for themselves. Oftentimes those rules are ways they shamefully limit themselves.

And institutionally, for example it's not actually inappropriate to go braless and dress in a miniskirt at the work office, HR just doesn't want a sexual harassment lawsuit on their hands and that's why they often try to make workers look sexless as possible. To them lawsuits waste time and money, and capitalizing on a workplace as highly as possible means enforcing a sexless uniform.

And beauty and health institutions capitalize off shame. If I go out with a freely hanging belly I could slow down my path in allowing these industrial standards to run my life. Maybe I should surprise everyone by wearing a crop top eventually.

3d ago

About fatphobia, how do you stay proudly loving your body and showing yourself off despite other's self-projections of their own insecurities onto you?

I love crop tops, but idk how to deal with having a hanging belly for the first time. I think its unflattering. Strange because that girl with a large belly in a crop top was way fatter, and I my first thought was "WOAH She rocks!"

3d ago

About fatphobia, how do you stay proudly loving your body and showing yourself off despite other's self-projections of their own insecurities onto you?

Sounds like youre refusing to absorb other's self projections and not lashing out. I have no idea if your exact version is completely healthy, but it sure sounds like a safe shell.

I like showing myself off because I want to feel as radiant and beautiful as possible. I think that's the way more people could feel. And that never feeling and expressing our radiance can be a waste of our life. I wonder how I can do both, what you're doing and what I'm trying to do at once.

I used to give all people compassion each time I noticed someone acting insecure, but this often hasn't worked because so many people act and talk in bad faith. It's their shell, and when you point out their insecurity by saying its okay to look/be insert an okay thing to be, they usually will deflect and won't allow a crack in their shell for light to be let in. It's sad, I know what it's like to be in the dark about my beauty. Since reaching my highest ever weight, I'm recently very in the dark about it again. I feel like if I vulnerably act and dress like I'm proud of my body, people will feel entitled to shaming me. In their head and out loud with me in earshot of them.

3d ago

About fatphobia, how do you stay proudly loving your body and showing yourself off despite other's self-projections of their own insecurities onto you?