DisabledAceSocialist

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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

I just feel the same as usual really, hopeless but hanging on. If I can get the womb/bladder issue fixed it would at least make me a bit more comfortable and less tired if I can finally sleep through the night instead of getting up 7 times a night to wee. But now my achilles is flaring up again I'm worried about how that will be, will I end up basically imobile and housebound like before? My tingling/pins and needles is still an issue that I'm very concerned about, but I'm on the waiting list for the neurologist. My usual neurologist won't deal with that as she only does headaches/migraines and I still have all my usual problems like thyroxine side effects, staying fed, worrying about my disability benefit success, etc. I've also had a non stop migraine for several days now, I've been taking my migraine meds that make it die down a bit but then it just keeps coming back.

So that was a long whinge, I know. It just feels like life is endless challenges and worries with no respite or enjoyment.

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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

No, I've had three sessions this month on my achilles, then next month three on the soles of my feet, basically my entire left side is destroyed because of the stroke and I have multiple long-term/permanent injuries all down my left side so they're spreading the shockwave therapy around, three sessions on each of the worst bits. They said if it doesn't work, or doesn't have lasting effects, then there is no point doing more.

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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

It seemed to be working, I got some improvement but now it's flared up again.

I'm resigned to my mobility issues being basically permanent now. I still have some shockwave therapy sessions coming up though.

DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

Thank you.

DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

Thank you.

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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

thanks, I probably will when I have more energy.

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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

My GP got the report from the hospital who did the scan. So I have more details about the issue now. Apparently my womb is enlarged (due to the fibroids, I guess?) and is pressing against my bladder. This may be what's causing the bladder issues. She's going to refer me to the gynaecologist. She said they'll probably do further checks to check it really is the womb causing the bladder issues, but if it is then I know 100% I want a hysterectomy. I don't want drugs and side effects and waiting to see if anything works, I want it gone. I know usually they try and save parts like the womb and force people to try other things first but I'm hoping that since I'm in my 40s, my periods have mostly stopped and I was never going to have kids anyway, they might agree. I just want it over. Who knows how long it will take to see the gynaecologist on the NHS though.

DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

Thank you.

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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

Thank you. I know there are some that do, I've made some friends in the disability megathread who are always compassionate and received help obtaining food and other items from several other people here, so I know not everyone is bad, I just think most people dgaf about anyone who doesn't benefit them in some way.

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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

I feel like I am mostly a misanthrope. The reason being that most people have treated me absolutely abysmally. My own parents violently assaulted me to the extreme as a child and didn't feed me to the point I developed serious illness that has had lifelong repercussions. No adult intervened to help me, despite me asking for help. Then abandoned me before I was even an adult. Then I worked for years, a hard job but was paid barely enough to survive by society to the point I had to live in terrible conditions with no security, in dangerous places where I ended up being assaulted by various people. And the police not only did nothing to bring the offenders to justice but even blamed me for the attacks - for instance saying I'd brought it on myself by my clothing style (wearing a heavy metal T-shirt). Then when I became too ill and disabled to work, I find myself in a situation where the government reassesses me for disability benefits far too frequently, awards me zero points for no reason and stops my benefits so I have to beg to survive. Then the people in charge of the social safety nets like food banks, are shit. The packages they give are useless, mostly drinks and junk food, they're often closed and when my cancer treatment caused me to develop food intolerances and I explained these food intolerances to a food bank worker and asked for food that won't aggravate it, he got angry, accused me of being a choosing beggar and refused to serve me at all. Then when I turned to Christian organisations for food aid they refused to help, told me to sort my own problems out and said that people shouldn't even get disability benefits at all because it's socialism. This is all just the tip of the iceberg.

On top of this I have been let down by doctors every step of the way. it took nearly four years to get my cancer diagnosed because they refused to do any tests, telling me I was a hypochondriac, or just depressed. During this time I suffered immensely and was treated like lazy garbage by everyone. Since then it's been an endless catalogue of struggling and failing to get the medical help I need, being rudely dismissed by medical staff and treated like crap because they just don't care. My local pharmacist even complained that my prescriptions cost the NHS too much money.

Hexbear/lemmy is the only place people have treated me with decency and actually helped, and yet even in these places I've had nasty people do things like promise help and not deliver, string me along for weeks or months with talk of the help they're going to send and then just ghost me, and one person on lemmy sent me multiple messages telling me that it doesn't matter what happens to me, whether I end up homeless on the streets while ill, and giving me helpful suggestions on how to commit suicide.

Even my landlady doesn't give a fuck about me, she only lets me live here because I hope to get my disability benefit reinstated and when I do I'll owe her a load of money and she wants it. But she is awful to live with, for instance I suffer severe migraines, aggravated by scents and she just won't stop spraying scented shit around even though it's unnecessary and I beg her not to.

Also a ton of sexual harrassment and being treated like crap because of my asexuality, people refusing to accept it's real and trying to bully me into sexual/romantic relationships, and an incident where I was publicly shamed and humiliated in a cafe full of people by an old man I know because of my asexuality, and then laughed at by the entire cafe.

On top of all this society in general has no sympathy and won't listen, whenever I've talked about this online I've been told there is "so much help available" and my situation is my own fault for not accessing it, and having to listen endlessly to how it's too easy to claim benefits and it must be made harder because it's so unfair for workers to pay for us lazy dole scum. Yet, are we allowed to access assisted suicide? No. Society won't feed me or care for me, yet also does everything it can to make sure I still exist, suffering endlessly.

Humanity also very much has a "kick you when you're down," mentality. The lower my life has sunk, the worse I've been treated by most people. So sorry, yes I'm a misanthrope because in my experience most of humanity is terrible. If that makes me a repulsive person, so be it.

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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

There's been a lot of stuff in the news lately about how food bank parcels are getting worse because they're running out of resources and more people need them.

DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

I just do what you do, listen to/watch old stuff and pretend it's the past.

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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

Before mutual aid, when I had to use the food bank, a typical package was just 90% drinks and things to go with the drinks. It would be a box of teabags, a jar of coffee, a bottle of milk, a bag of sugar, some cookies and then either a small bag of pasta or a mini loaf of bread as the actual food. And then we have to listen to society tell us how easy it is, how much help there is available.

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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

I saw a quote about GP receptionists on youtube today: "Their commitment to being so aggressively unhelpful is impressive." So true, and I'd say it actually applies to the entire medical "profession", not just receptionists.

DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

Thanks for the bump!

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DisabledAceSocialist [comrade/them] @hexbear.net 2mo ago

Thanks. I have no idea whether these fibroids are causing my problems or not, and I don't know if my periods seem to have have stopped now due to my age or something else, but I can't take more meds. I already have far too many side effects from all the meds I'm on already and hormonal meds could really harm me as I've had a stroke already (which was a side effect of my thyroid meds). I'm drugged up to the eyeballs and can't take any more. I just want it cut out if it's what's causing my problems.