About voice training there's this post I saved a while back, very detailed, I thought it would be better than just posting the links, the user who posted it detailed some stuff well. These have helped me a lot, maybe you can make some progress too. Voice training is 100% possible, do not give up on it.
Well, making friends can be hard, making cool friends even harder, but it is so worth it, having someone calling you by your chosen name feels very good the first few times, even if they're online friends. You could try LGBT groups, or maybe try to get organized? I made a few very good friends at my org, but maybe just getting some online friends would already help, I barely see my friends so they're basically online friends.
Don't worry too much about being big, big women exist, with varying proportions. I'm on this boat too, to some extent, I'm tall, not that much, but my hands are really big. I'm sure you will find your body beautiful one day, when you can fully explore your expression of yourself. Including everything, clothing, make-up, nails, all of it.
I keep imagining moving out, having my stuff, fem clothes, being myself, as best as I can. This gets me through most sad days with hope.
Thank you for talking with me, I really appreciate it.
Don't worry about it, if you want someone to listen to you, don't be afraid to reach out.
I understand how painful it is. I'm mostly experiencing the same, except for a few friends I came out to, which really helped me a lot. I'm not currently working, but when I was, it was quite the same as you are describing.
Idk how much support you have in your life, between friends, siblings and other relatives. But coming out to some people helped me a lot, if you can, try to get some support irl.
For voice, you have to train, there's no going around it. It's hard, not that hard, but it will take some effort, and consistent training (I can link a few resources I got from other users, if you'd like).
Changes from E will take time, unfortunately. But the way you dress and take care of yourself is just as important. If you dress with masc clothes, speak with a more masc voice, have a masc haircut, don't deal with facial hair in some way, most people won't register anything other than "men" and will not even think about it, hell, even other trans people won't realize.
I'm not sure why you are so focused on the T puberty, probably the majority of trans women have gone through it and they can just look like a woman too (I know a few stunningly beautiful ones). E will help, obviously. But you can also do other stuff to help, like change how you dress, learn how to do make-up, do skin-care, shave, paint your nails, do your eyebrows, and many many more things you can do. If that's not something you can do right now, then yeah, it is going to be harder to get treated as a woman by a random person, or someone you haven't come out to.
If the size thing is about height, there isn't that much to do besides accept that tall women are beautiful. If this is about weight and fat distribution, then the only thing I can recommend other than realizing women with bellies are beautiful, is to exercise and eat healthy. That way losing weight and redistributing fat from E will get you closer to what you want.
If there is some specific way you want to look like, it might be harder to get there, but I'm sure you can look how you want to. Remember, you are already a beautiful woman, the other people just haven't realized it yet.
People saying shit like that is always worse. But keep in mind, the more you stay in the "rotting" state the worse it gets. I know exactly how you feel, I haven't quite looked in a mirror in a long time, pushed everything down in an extreme way to remain functional. It does not feel good. But the longer you keep ruminating this feeling over, the more it will be present.
I'm not sure what exactly bothers you, but a lot of what you said is also a problem for cis women. It might feel like these things are exclusive to trans people, but then you remember the expectations of society over the bodies of women (all women, trans women specially). This is something that you have to take into consideration. What does a woman look like? Why? What is the beauty standard? Why do we have to try to fit in with these things? I fucking hate all of this shit. Like, have you looked at what top models look like? That body type? Super hard to achieve for women, ironically some aspects are easier for trans women. It might feel like you need to look a specific way to be a woman, but women look all kinds of ways. You'll be fine, however you look, you aren't the problem here.
Busses, trams and subways all have their purpose, all three can be present in a city and it will be good