FEMA Announces “Go Fund Me” as Massive Cold Front Heads South

(Washington DC) As local and state leaders prepare for a massive ice storm headed to the US South, they are dismayed that FEMA, the Federal disaster response agency responsible for the federal response to the storm, has posted a “Go Fund Me” page to seek funding for the disaster response.

Go Fund Me is an webpage made famous by its use in America to replace most forms of government social support found in other nations. Users can donate money to help with causes, with a small percentage kept by the site, as well as the user’s personal information.

The page states the agency has been affected by government cuts after trump’s election, and thus they need donations totally “near or about $167 million” to respond to the storm. The current total is $27.47 as of 2pm Tuesday.

“We are doing our best,” said a spokeswomen who asked not to be identified as an official in the current administration. “Unfortunately, our response budget only covered the web design, the clip art licensing fees for the page, and the $27.47 we threw in to make it look like people had started donating. We hope the money starts flowing in soon, so we can get paid.”

The storm is predicted to put an inch or more of ice on the ground, creating dangerous conditions as trees and power lines are brought down. Those in the path of the storm are encouraged to prepare for power outages.

Americans don’t seem eager to help their fellow neighbors. Leo Sturbgetter, a New York cow detangler, said, “after Superstorm Sandy, these guys tried to cut our disaster funding saying it wasn’t necessary. Better bundle up… use layers.”