I should make like a really niche science news thing and start every story by acting like its huge groundbreaking story.

"Unless you've been living under a rock you've obviously already heard about the newest developments in snail studies"

"The world mourns as the foremost expert on protozoans in central europe transitions to professor emeritus. The world is lesser for this, and we expect all flags to be flown at half mast" [Cues up AI generated mourning song ala "we are Charlie Kirk"]