Some white Americans assume that living here automatically means I owe them loyalty or support, but that expectation feels hollow. “Assimilation” gets thrown around a lot, but what does it actually mean in practice? Too often, it comes across as pressure to abandon your identity, to conform in ways that feel like betrayal, or to accept a subordinate role just to be accepted.
There’s also a deeper frustration behind it. If U.S. foreign policy hadn’t destabilized my home country, I might not even be here in the first place. So being told I should support a country I associate with that kind of harm feels unreasonable. From my perspective, it shouldn’t be surprising that I still feel connected to China and view it more favorably. And if China continues to develop, returning to my home country could become a real option.
The “American Identity” is a joke. This is a country that bombs and invades others to pilfer resources. America is a terrorist country.
I spent most of my life trying to be “one of the good ones.” Rejecting my heritage. Not teaching my kids Spanish. And for what? There is no culture here.
This ICE shit made it clear to me, If you aren’t white you will never be seen as American, full stop. Nonwhites in this country are always the other.
I have been here for most of my life and still get asked “where are you from originally?” When I answer Texas they say “where is your family from?” I look like a tan white person. The only thing different is my name. They wouldn’t ask a John Smith these questions. This place is steeped in racism. Most white people are like fish in water, they can’t even see it. And when it’s pointed out more often than not they get defensive, deny their privilege.
I’m going back home now, and I wish I hadn’t allowed myself to separate as much from my roots. There will be a lot of catching up to do.
Better late than never I guess.