I am experiencing a rough time in which I really was sorely needing the validation of being around people who liked me, but due to unfortunate luck, it all went to hell. My morale is lower than ever, and I still need to finish the awful and dehumanising process that made me so low in the first place
I am just don’t know who I am. I’ve had to spend hours and hours writing about the worst of my worst days, which effectively feels like I’m just saying I’m nothing more than a waste of resources. I know that it’s not sustainable to rely on external validation for self worth, but I just needed people to remind me that I’m a person. That’s probably a bad way of describing the problem — I wish I knew what good there exists in me that’s worth fighting for, to provide a contrast to the awful shit I’m having to immerse myself in
You have probably heard an idle mind is the devils playground. I see this as a way of what you are describing.
Society is breaking down
If you have no chance of building something (careers/relationships/home) you don’t have goals.
If you have no purpose and goals even hobbies and entertainment can feel empty.
This then turn internal and starts playing with your brain and you’ll turn against yourself. This isn’t a you problem, it’s easy to fall in a hole. You maybe need to find some constructive ways to calm your brain and be positive.
I wish you peace buddy.