ioo then that makes them functionally useless to have two terms, and it means there’s no way to get specific about whether something is a need to get off, or just something you just enjoy when being kinky.
You’re not wrong, and I agree that there’s value in distinguishing between those ideas. I’ve just been around a lot of kinky people who insist there’s no difference in the words, so maybe there’s a language shift going on.
Recently I’m thinking I may be demisexual too. Kinda like a double-demi/ace hybrid. I like the idea of sex, but it would have to be a very special person. But I don’t have much drive to try for it, it’s just not that important to me. I mean we’re already in the ace spectrum anyway, so maybe that’s redundant.
Still trying to nail down what labels I’m comfortable with. Probably will always be a little wiggle room to change as time goes by.
Yeah, we’re demi in many ways, including demisexual. After much experience with this kind of thing we learned that rushing in to things, even with a desire for things do things doesn’t work for us, and really knowing a person is important, so we won’t do anything sexual or romantic with someone until we have gotten to know them quite well.
Sadly too many people expect it or cannot be bothered to wait around, which is why most of our current partners are all some flavour of ace and maybe aro, heh.
It’s also why dating apps etc don’t really work for us as we’re too cautious and want to get to know someone before meeting up, but most people are like “let’s meet up right now” and we aren’t into that. We had someone reject us once because we spent ‘too long’ thinking about if we wanted to meet them, ugh when they hadn’t really put any effort in to get to know us and we had put clearly in our profile that we need a lot of talking to in the app first.
Sigh, mainstream dating culture is awful. We would rather just date friends.
Not exactly sure who “we” is exactly, but I’m proceeding with the assumption you meant it collectively for demis.
That describes me pretty well. I’ve never even come close to a dating app, but I thought it was a leftover legacy boomer trait of mine at the time (“the time” in this case meaning before I knew I was demi. Before I knew that was a thing. Also before I realized I wasn’t “normal” at all).
I just felt that that kinda communication couldn’t possibly be accomplished via what was basically just texting, or at least not to my satisfaction. I’ve always felt much more ability to fall in love via traditional (aka in person) means. But that ability has a lot more stipulations on it than I realized at the time.
I actually didn’t know or identify as such until this year. As I started seeing posts about pride coming up, I wondered about the (what I now know is called) inclusivity flags (with and without intersex). I was familiar with most of the main flags, but kept seeing more I didn’t even know about, and finally came across the demi flags. So since I was already learning about other identities and orientations, I read about that, and my spidey sense tingled.
I don’t know if there’s a demi version of the idea, but a trans would call it an egg cracking. I actually don’t know if any others have a version of it, but I really think so if them should. Either way, you know what I mean. I’m rambling now anyway lol.
Fetishes and kinks are different things.
That greatly depends on who you ask. There are plenty of kinksters who make no distinction between those terms.
ioo then that makes them functionally useless to have two terms, and it means there’s no way to get specific about whether something is a need to get off, or just something you just enjoy when being kinky.
You’re not wrong, and I agree that there’s value in distinguishing between those ideas. I’ve just been around a lot of kinky people who insist there’s no difference in the words, so maybe there’s a language shift going on.
@SweetCitrusBuzz@beehaw.org
You know what, I don’t think I knew the distiction before. I was just making a drive-by “lol” type of offhand comment.
Never thought about it that specifically. I will try to be conscious of word choice now.
Thank you fellow demiromantic.
There are dozens of us.
Recently I’m thinking I may be demisexual too. Kinda like a double-demi/ace hybrid. I like the idea of sex, but it would have to be a very special person. But I don’t have much drive to try for it, it’s just not that important to me. I mean we’re already in the ace spectrum anyway, so maybe that’s redundant.
Still trying to nail down what labels I’m comfortable with. Probably will always be a little wiggle room to change as time goes by.
Yeah, we’re demi in many ways, including demisexual. After much experience with this kind of thing we learned that rushing in to things, even with a desire for things do things doesn’t work for us, and really knowing a person is important, so we won’t do anything sexual or romantic with someone until we have gotten to know them quite well.
Sadly too many people expect it or cannot be bothered to wait around, which is why most of our current partners are all some flavour of ace and maybe aro, heh.
It’s also why dating apps etc don’t really work for us as we’re too cautious and want to get to know someone before meeting up, but most people are like “let’s meet up right now” and we aren’t into that. We had someone reject us once because we spent ‘too long’ thinking about if we wanted to meet them, ugh when they hadn’t really put any effort in to get to know us and we had put clearly in our profile that we need a lot of talking to in the app first.
Sigh, mainstream dating culture is awful. We would rather just date friends.
Not exactly sure who “we” is exactly, but I’m proceeding with the assumption you meant it collectively for demis.
That describes me pretty well. I’ve never even come close to a dating app, but I thought it was a leftover legacy boomer trait of mine at the time (“the time” in this case meaning before I knew I was demi. Before I knew that was a thing. Also before I realized I wasn’t “normal” at all).
I just felt that that kinda communication couldn’t possibly be accomplished via what was basically just texting, or at least not to my satisfaction. I’ve always felt much more ability to fall in love via traditional (aka in person) means. But that ability has a lot more stipulations on it than I realized at the time.
I actually didn’t know or identify as such until this year. As I started seeing posts about pride coming up, I wondered about the (what I now know is called) inclusivity flags (with and without intersex). I was familiar with most of the main flags, but kept seeing more I didn’t even know about, and finally came across the demi flags. So since I was already learning about other identities and orientations, I read about that, and my spidey sense tingled.
I don’t know if there’s a demi version of the idea, but a trans would call it an egg cracking. I actually don’t know if any others have a version of it, but I really think so if them should. Either way, you know what I mean. I’m rambling now anyway lol.