One of my roommates just told me she’s buying a house, and my other two roommates are moving in.

I’m invited too, but I feel like they’re doing so more out of obligation or pity than a desire to continue living with me. I hear them having fun in the living room when I’m holed up in my room, only for them to immediately cool down if I come out. They keep making plans without me, they went skiing last week on a day I was busy. I was the one who had suggested skiing… They just seem to vibe a lot better together than with me, which is fine, but it gets really tiring feeling like the odd one out at home.

I guess I just can’t help but feel they’d rather bring in a fourth roommate that fits their vibe rather than haul me over to the new place.

I’m frustrated because I can’t tell if this is all in my head or if they actually find me bothersome. I know I’m at least part of the problem, I’ve never been able to feel fully accepted in any group. Ever since I was a kid I felt like everyone just tolerated me, or accepted my presence, rather than feeling like an integral part of the gang. It’s at the point where even if I were to become accepted in a group, I don’t think I’d even be equipped to realize it. I’d just rationalise away any love and acceptance as fake. Or maybe it’s just a self-fulfilling prophecy, where my incapacity to feel wanted results in no one wanting me.

OK so this ended up as more than “kind of a whiny post”, sorry for the feeling-dump. I just really needed to get this off my chest and yell it into the void.