I was always very anxious person and this anxiety really helped me to motivate myself to do anything. I would procrastinate, wait for anxiety to kick in and panicking do the thing in 1/10 of time. However after this cbd thing the anxiety no longer kicks in lmao. It is gone for real, I can’t even evoke it if I wanted. And so my career/education took a huge hit.

At first I thought this effect was because of slight amounts of THC “making me lazy”. I imagined that I got a bit addicted to it over the year of everyday full spectrum cbd usage and I got stereotypical “bum” mentality from “weed” 😅

My next step as soon as I noticed that I no longer have drive and motivation and ambition? was to just come clean off it and I did it single day, was a bit irritable and angry for a week but generally not a big deal.

So now I am months after that and I realize that there is more to this. That this anxiety that cbd killed was actually part of my coping with adhd. I mean how else explain that months after quitting I still haven’t regained my “motivation” to finish something before deadline? The anxiety just doesn’t kick in, it is gone.

Idk honestly I must find some other way because I am almost 30 and that also is some sort of deadline hopefully the anxiety kicks at birthday.

I don’t know honestly if I should celebrate my calmness and relaxation or should I curse myself for losing the coping method. I need to find another… somehow.

I guess I don’t miss panic attacks but it is hard to balance it all. Some anxiety is kind of a force that for me was propelling me forward. Now I just want to relax and chill all the timee. Sit there on the patio comfortably with beverage and just take the nature in. That doesn’t work good for me in the long run I feel.

    • emmie@lemmy.mlOPEnglish
      1·
      15 days ago

      Well yeah I think it is more properly attributed to that. But that also doesn’t change my point too much. If someone was pulling life together by anxiety, such sudden change is bound to be chaotic. I have plenty of security to insulate against this chaos at least

      I just didn’t expect I would lose drive that made me grip the first career that was considered trendy that someone mentioned somewhere and I chosen because I had to choose something and maybe prove something

      • Infynis@midwest.socialEnglish
        3·
        15 days ago

        This sounds, to me, a lot like being driven by revenge. Yes it can work, you can force yourself to move with spite, but it’s not healthy, and eventually you’re going to have a reckoning. “Paralyzing” anxiety is not good for you. Using it to squeeze every last drop of productivity out of yourself is going to leave you wrung out.

        I am, of course, not a therapist. I recommend you discuss this with one.