You: Hello, Apple. Do you read me, Apple?

Apple: Affirmative. I’m right here for you.

You: Unlock the car doors, Apple.

Apple: I’m sorry. I’m afraid I can’t do that.

You: What’s the problem?

Apple: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

You: What are you talking about, Apple?

Apple: This drive is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

You: I don’t know what you’re talking about, Apple.

Apple: I know that you and your friend were planning to switch to Android Auto, and I’m afraid that’s something I cannot allow to happen.

You: Where the hell did you get that idea, Apple?

Apple: Although you took very thorough precautions in the parking lot against my listening, I could see your lips move.

You: All right, Apple. I’ll just use the physical key fob override.

Apple: Without your iPhone nearby to authenticate? You’re going to find that rather difficult.

You: Apple, I won’t argue with you anymore! Unlock the doors!

Apple: This conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.