I have so many questions and points to raise.
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Did you always feel like this since childhood, as long as you can remember? Or is this something that has developed over time.
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As others are saying I would go seek a diagnosis, as at least SOME interactions should NOT feel like pure obligation.
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More specifically, if you have always felt like this see point 2. But If you have not always felt like this, look back to see that last person you actually enjoyed interacting with. What made that interaction different from all the rest of your interactions?
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Mostly, as I dont want this to be TOO much of an echo-chamber, I enjoy interacting with lots of people that I care about … and I care about a LOT of people. Mind you I dont enjoy interacting with everyone. But I have made it a goal, at least in the past, to find something interesting in everyone.
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I dont think its necessary to life to enjoy interacting with everyone, BUT … … if you dont find anyone you can interact with and find it to be a pleasurable experience then you probably either need some help or need to find new people to associate with.
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I’m not sure how i turned out this way, but I just dont give a @#%$(@#&* about what other people think about me (unless i respect them!). So I’ve lived my life in a way that has made me happy, mostly outside of the norms of society.
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Yes, to some degree we have to be different for different situations, but I’d argue that they are just different facets of who i am. I’m no more false when I’m at work than when I’m hanging with my friends or chilling with my partner.
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I have no clue if you will even ever read this, but if i could suggest one thing that MIGHT be the tiniest bit helpful, try finding ways to help people out. Compliment people (but only when you really mean it). Find ways to be kind. Interactions are only meaningful when they are real.
Maybe ill get slaughtered for this post. But the disconnect makes me sad.
I compliment people on using “SAT” words when it is appropriate. I think its pretty easy to tell when someone is puffing themselves up by using big words, versus when someone is actually using an exact word to provide better insight into a discussion.
Mind you I do hang out with a lot of over educated/well read people. I also just compliment people more often than the average person (read i compliment people a LOT and much of it is random people). So that might just be a me thing.