The magic music makes your morning move.

Begin the day with a friendly voice, a companion unobtrusive.

And he shits his pants too!

37 hour hunger strike? With my budget that’s called a Wednesday.

The vast majority of people are ignorant, stupid, or both. Once you stop expecting the world will live up to any minimum standard of behavior, then you free yourself of much mental load.

Wow. Criticism is now called “first amendment activity” and considered a sinister precursor to crime

Rumor has it he called him a fat fuck.

Not sure this is legit.

Since the internet began it’s been known that you always measure asshole to tip.

A Billion over the course of the next 3-4 generations.

I just did an informal poll at my workplace and nobody is terribly interested in hot cakes.

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…and then I put down the PlayStation controller, deleted the game, and went to get a snack.

“We need to look forward, not back”

What’s your address?

Dogs are for people who need the validation and esteem boost of a subservient creature: beta males, empty nesters, people with needful maternal instincts, boss wannabees.

Cats are for people who want a a friendship based on equality and mutual respect.

It’s 2026, far past time to retire the tired trope that cats are cold and uncaring.

Dog People: “I want a child”
Cat People: “I want a friend”

Ba da dee ba da dumb.

I don’t think showing your balls would help

What’s your plan to appease your corporate masters?

When you expect more (bam bam), from a litre.