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321
Joined
2 yr. ago

  • You mean like having movers coming in a few weeks but not getting off my ass for the past five days to start putting my life into boxes to move halfway across the country? Cuz it feels like you might be referring to my having movers coming in a few weeks but me not getting off my ass for the past five days to start putting my life into boxes to move halfway across the country.

  • He shopped out his lips.

  • This is the only reason I still teach teenagers after 17 years, and I will not expound further.

  • And you simply must begin and end every sentence with uWu, obviously.

  • Straight dating online is like trying to find drinkable water in a crisis situation; women are stranded in the ocean, and men are stranded in the desert.

  • Deleted

    deleted by creator

    Jump
  • "Arizona toddler...died"

    Brian Regan once equipped that he had taken a speed-reading course. "Since then, I can read 2000 words per minute. But...my comprehension's plummeted."

  • I only date women who do exactly what they want to do and not what society says they should do. As it happens, they generally don't wear makeup every day.

  • "Oh...no, no, no honey, the steel foil hat doesn't go with that outfit, try the gold one."

  • As someone with ASD, GAD, and MDD (all diagnosed if it matters), smart home devices are an essential service to me. I can quickly set redundant reminders to help me with personal routines, add stuff to my shopping and to-do lists, and quickly get my lights and music set to what I need them to be when I am experiencing an anxiety episode. I definitely understand that my data is good and harvested at this point, and I don't trust them to have done anything good with it. But these dots have made my life work since I bought my first one, and they've significantly reduced the anxiety I used to be riddled with.

  • You don't want to play this game with me, son. Whatever you hurl at me about Oregon, I'll lob back at you something twice as bad about Texas.

    I get that Oregon has its hard right people. Hell, most states do. But at least my trans kids gender identity is protected by state law, and my having a trans kid won't result in me being on the governor's fucking hit list.

  • You think that's bad, get this. In most US states (47), public school students are required by law to recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag of the United States once per school day, though...for most of those states...students may opt themselves out.

    However, in four states (Texas, Florida, Pennsylvania, and Utah), students may not opt themselves out. The school must receive a written statement from a parent or guardian in order to be exempt.

    I have taught in Texas public schools since 2005, and I brought this up with an attorney for the teacher organization I joined (not a union as Texas bans collective bargaining for state employees, so our dues are really not much more than lawsuit insurance). He told me that, in the eyes of the state courts, children under the age of eighteen not being yet adults do not enjoy the same right to freedom of speech that adults do. Hence, in the eyes of the courts, a school district would be within their rights to fire a teacher who does not do their part to ensure all students under their purview recite the Pledge during the time it is spoken over the school's PA system (and the Pledge to the Texas state flag, also mandatory), 1st Amendment be damned.

    Thankfully, I got a gig teaching in Oregon next year, so I am heading northwest (through the also miserable states of Utah and Idaho unfortunately) and never looking back.

  • "In 2040, I'll reminisce about the 20th century,

    When we still wrote on pads of paper, humans still did all the cleaning." - 2040, Spymob

  • Yep, those are Jum Legs.

  • Ah, Big Stupid enabling the Scammer Class: a tale as old as time.

  • Man, I had a nickel for every time my mom told me "When a member of the Vermont House of Representatives picks on you, that means she likes you", I'd have, like, all these nickels.

  • Next taco night, add a bit of water to your sour cream to make it a little bit runny. Then add a bit of salt, some lime juice and smoked paprika. Is nice.

  • Resign and you can smoke cigars at home, you pricks.

  • YOU ARE IRELAND'S ONLY FEMALE.

    Now kiss me.

    (Cuz I know I'll get downvoted to hell if I don't clarify, Kiss Me Kate is a Cole Potter Porter musical. You're not sheltered if you didn't know that; I'm just super fucking old. Srsly, I found two gray hairs the other day in my ear, and one on it.)

    Edit: typo

  • has unusual relationships with

    That's a funny way to spell commits sexual harassment against.