picnicolas

What’s your advice for younger folks? Nihilism!

Is the UV-5G mini ok? Or should I cancel my order and get the UV-5R?

Every monitor with a USB hub and every printer I’ve owned for the last 20 years has had one. It’s used to differentiate USB directionality, for example which side is upstream or the “host device” and which side is meant to plug into the computer.

They’re moot now with USB C which is bidirectional; USB-A male to USB-A male is dangerous and not compliant with the USB specification, so they’d use USB-B on one side.

I pointed to current research showing otherwise. You ignored most of my arguments, such as that current research is skewed by incentives.

My main concern is the impact on gut microbiome and the practice of crop desiccation, which uses roundup not for preventing weeds but to kill mature crops so they are all ready to harvest on the same day instead of having some natural variability. This leads to detectable levels of glyphosate in the final product.

As someone who suffered from dysbiosis and autoimmune disease, it was absolutely debilitating and these diseases are an epidemic in the US. A quick search found a study showing impact of glyphosate on gut health in mice. So little is known about gut health as it’s so hard and expensive to do good science on such a complex system. The way you are phrasing your responses make it seem like the science is certain that glyphosate is safe, but that’s not the case, nor is that how science works. Who is going to fund expensive and complex studies to try to prove it unsafe? How much lobbying and funding is going into pushing studies and narratives that it is safe to protect a huge industry?

I’m very sorry to hear that. The ritual was a couple hundred bucks for a weekend and they accepted less for financial hardship. I hope you can get some support.

I’m sorry for your loss, and for everyone in this thread who is grieving. The truth is our culture has no idea how to grieve. We are expected to keep it private, which keeps it stuck in us, as everyone who has posted in this thread can attest to.

I went to a grief ritual in a western African lineage, the Dagara people, and their perspective is that colonialism and the evils of western culture are rooted in an inability to grieve. I don’t disagree.

Sobonfu Somé and Melidoma Somé were brought up by that tribe to teach their grieving rituals in the west. If you can find a Dagara grief ritual near you I cannot recommend it more highly. I’ve been on a 15 year healing journey, over six months of silent Buddhist meditation retreat, over a decade of therapy, many thousands of dollars of trainings and workshops… and some things moved through me in that ritual that nothing had been able to touch prior to that. Sacred Groves on Bainbridge Island in Washington State is where I went.

Anderson Cooper’s podcast on grief is excellent. The best book on the subject that I know of, partially inspired by the Dagara rituals, is the Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller. He’s interviewed on Anderson’s podcast here.

I hope these resources help. You’re not alone in struggling with grief.

That happened for me at first, so I reduced the amount. Now I mix it into my homemade bread and don’t notice it at all!

Came here to mention inulin as a great fiber supplement in addition to psyllium husk. Fixing my gut changed my life, the direct impacts for me on mood, well-being, inflammation, and overall health cannot be overstated.

Yes. 🤦🏻‍♂️

Surprisingly informative. Thanks for sharing.

Crucial Conversations — Summary

A crucial conversation is any conversation where

stakes are high,
opinions differ, and
emotions run strong. These are the moments where communication tends to deteriorate into silence or violence—and also the moments that most impact relationships, results, and trust.

The book teaches how to stay effective, curious, and collaborative even when it’s hard.

Start With Heart

Before opening your mouth, check your intent.

Ask yourself three grounding questions:

What do I really want—for me, for them, and for the relationship?
How would I act if I truly wanted that?
What stories am I telling myself that distort my motives?

This interrupts reactive fight-flight patterns and restores internal alignment.

Learn to See When Safety Drops

Crucial conversations become unsafe when people sense judgment, coercion, or disrespect.

Detect early signs:

Silence: masking, avoiding, withdrawing
Violence: controlling, labeling, attacking

The moment safety drops, the conversation stops mattering—only self-protection matters.

Make It Safe (Establish Psychological Safety)

You restore safety through two tools:

i. Mutual Purpose — “We’re in this together.”

Show that you care about their goals and outcomes.

If purposes differ, create a shared purpose by inventing options acceptable to both sides.

ii. Mutual Respect — “I value you as a person.”

When respect feels threatened, no conversation works.

Apologize sincerely if needed. Use contrast statements:

What I don’t mean → clarify the misperceived attack
What I do mean → state your positive intention

Master Your Stories

Your emotions come from the story you tell about what’s happening—not the event itself.

Event → Interpretation (“story”) → Emotion → Reaction

People naturally fill gaps with:

Victim stories (“It’s not my fault”)
Villain stories (“They’re terrible”)
Helpless stories (“Nothing I can do”)

The fix:

Challenge your assumptions
Replace certainty with curiosity
Ask: “What else could this mean?”

STATE Your Path (How to Speak Honestly Without Triggering Defensiveness)

The book’s core communication tool:

Share your facts (least controversial)
Tell your story (your interpretation)
Ask for their path (invite their perspective)
Talk tentatively (avoid absolutism)
Encourage testing (welcome disagreement)

This expresses truth while reinforcing safety.

Explore the Other Person’s Path

Use curiosity to draw out their meaning-making process.

Tools:

AMPP Skills
- Ask
- Mirror (reflect emotions or tone)
- Paraphrase
- Prime (offer a guess if they hesitate)
ABC of listening: agree where you can, build on shared areas, compare differences respectfully.

Goal: understand them well enough that they feel seen.

Move to Action (Decide + Execute)

Crucial conversations should end with clear commitment.

Questions to answer:

Who does what by when?
How will we follow up?
What happens if commitments aren’t met?

Four decision models:

Command (leader decides)
Consult (get input, then decide)
Vote
Consensus

Pick based on urgency, stakes, and involvement.

Dialogue succeeds when people feel safe enough to express their full truth—and curious enough to hear others.

Crucial Conversations is fundamentally a blueprint for replacing defensiveness with inquiry, fear with safety, and positional fighting with collaborative problem-solving.

Actor Jeffrey Jones?

“Refuses to recognize the authority of the players handbook” lol

Awesome improvements! Really nice work. I’ll definitely be switching at some point when I have a reason to mess with it. Thanks for all the extra work you’ve done to improve the fork and gift the project to the commons.

I used a similar project called Ansible NAS a while back and it’s been working beautifully. I had a problem and had to reinstall the OS on my NAS at some point and this made it a breeze. That project requires Ubuntu and I prefer Debian so I may try this out next time.

This is accidentally a very Buddhist take - the sense of a separate self is illusory and based on karmic impressions, i.e. trauma, and the mistakes that living in our trauma patterns keep perpetuating, i.e. samsara.

This is absolutely heartbreaking. I can’t imagine the psychological toll. I hope that in a few decades we will collectively look back on this time as an unfortunate side effect of prioritizing only material progress while ignoring inner psychological and emotional reality and will have learned to balance work with family, community, leisure, education, art, and everything else that makes life good and meaningful.

True, and nondual traditions like tantric Buddhism, Advaita Vedanta, and Kashmir Shivism really have a leg up in that regard, but Descartes really cemented it as the supposed “objective” fact (lol) that it is today.

The root problem though is the felt sense of separation the mind creates but that mystical experiences can dissolve.

picnicolas

@ picnicolas @slrpnk.net

Posts

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3 yr. ago

picnicolas

Whats your advice to the younger folks of Lemmy?

build relationships with them. build relationships with us. build relationships.

I want that sticker

A Study Is Retracted, Renewing Concerns About the Weedkiller Roundup

A Study Is Retracted, Renewing Concerns About the Weedkiller Roundup

How do you deal with grief?

How do you deal with grief?

YSK about Psyllium husk

YSK about Psyllium husk

Two wrongs don't make a right

Two wrongs don't make a right

Two wrongs don't make a right

Why we have two nostrils instead of one big hole

What are some habits or skills that you've recently(or not so recently) learnt that improved the quality of your life or made things more fun?

Professor in Epstein Files Makes Extremely Awkward Announcement at Start of Class

Dand

I made a project that can install/configure/orchestrate 115+ applications on your homelab using Ansible!

I made a project that can install/configure/orchestrate 115+ applications on your homelab using Ansible!

It's true

TIL about the "Left-behind children" in China, due to the Hukou System, children were often left in their rural villages to be cared by relatives while the parents work in urban areas.

why do so many people think the brain is somehow totally isolated from the body?

Pushing up through moss

Fougasse with bacon, gruyère, olives, and herbs

Chicken of the Woods

Pic's Killer Bread

I've always wanted to forge a knife!

How does interoperability work between different fediverse services?

Culmination of a decade of sourdough