Who has time in this day & age for all of their civic duties, amirite?
Join your smarter neighbors today! Farm out that friendly 24/7 vigilance to a "dutiful", "well-trained", "totally incorruptible", perfectly "safe", 100% "benign algorithm" that simply "stores all data" to keep "everyone" safe!
Join us, citizen.
While you still have the choice to. 😶🌫️
🎶🎵🥳🙇🏽♂️🥳🤫
Yes, it's Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™! The high-tech "community safety"™ sensation that's sweeping the "nation"!
Only $249.95 at participating stores! Get yours today!
Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, children under 10, and unwitting enemies of The State should avoid prolonged exposure to Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™.
Caution: Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™ may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™ contains "AI"™, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, engaged with, or looked at.
Do not use Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™ on new or old construction.
Discontinue use of Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™ if any of the following occurs:
itching
vertigo
dizziness
tingling in extremities
loss of balance coordination
slurred speech temporary blindness
profuse sweating or heart palpitations
inability to comply
If Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™ begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™ may stick to certain colors of skin.
When not in use, Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™ should be ignored entirely and kept completely free of particulate matter. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™, MAGAt GrIFTS, LLC, and its parent company, Glottal Plugs Unlimited, of any and all liability.
Ingredients of Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™ include an untested morass pf profit-squanched code which fell to Earth in multiple steaming piles across the techbroverse, presumably from adult diapers.
Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™ has been shipped to our troops in numerous "at-risk" "nations" and is being dropped by our warplanes on others.
Do not taunt Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™.
Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™ comes with a lifetime warranty. Yours.
Friendly Neighborhood "Doorbell"™! Accept no substitutes!
I mean, if I were one of the only twelve white dudes in the Jerusalem area at the time, I'd probably hang out with the other ones as often as possible. Maybe even a prostitute, who knows? It had to've been wild.
That poor bastard's trying to fill his hoopty with jet fuel?