Women are so great to see 😍
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Honestly, I don't think the second one is a mess (except punctuation). I think it just conveys - or at least suggests - that something out of the ordinary is happening. It takes mundane things and makes you question them, given the extra attention given to the normal things like a name or place. Sounds like John maybe isn't his real name and maybe he's going to this store for something other than groceries.