Or just stop after the first sentence.

Have you tried saying, “Please don’t ask me that anymore”?

That will address the exact problem without being rude, without offending him, and without opening it up for more questions. You don’t owe him an explanation, so don’t leave an opening for one. Just say: “Please don’t ask me that anymore.”

If he asks why, you say, “Doesn’t matter. Please don’t ask me that anymore.”

If he offers an explanation for why he’s asking you that, you say, “Ok. Please don’t ask me that anymore.”

Neat and easy. No unintended consequences.

Obviously I don’t know what your finances are like, but is it possible she’s just enjoying herself and considers it a hobby? Comparing it to other games, $100/month can seem ridiculous, but comparing it to other hobbies, it might not be that bad.

I used to be unwilling to spend any amount on a mobile game until I thought about how much I used to spend playing Magic: the Gathering. Sometimes hobbies cost money.

Another nugget of wisdom from her: one time she asks me, cryptically, “What happens when the wind blows?”

It just sounds like such a profound question. So I’m wracking my brain to figure out where she’s going with this, and eventually I say, “I don’t know.”

“The cradle will rock.”

Of course.

Fuck. I’ve gotten so used to it on reddit that I didn’t even notice it this time.

My daughter once asked me, “Do rainbows stop the rain?”

She was three and, in my opinion, very insightful. These rainbows keep showing up right about the time the rain stops. A little too convenient to be a coincidence, right?

My wife and I do the same, and the results have been great. An old friend of mine met my daughter for the first time when she was two and a half, and she just walked right up to him and says, “Hello. My name is _____. It’s very nice to meet you.”

When my current two-year-old is in a bad mood, we’ll ask him if he’s being a curmudgeon, and he’ll say “No, I’m not being a curmudgeon.” They speak in full sentences because my wife and I speak in full sentences. They use big words because we use big words.

On the other hand my daughter is five now and still thinks it’s pronounced “breafixt” instead of “breakfast”, and we don’t correct her because it’s adorable. So we still have fun with it.

I don’t think any of this means they’re geniuses or are guaranteed success later in life or anything. They’re probably both gifted, but that just means they’re a couple years ahead. A four-year-old who talks like a six-year-old is a great parlor trick, but a twenty-year-old talking like a twenty-two-year-old isn’t going to give them a big leg up. That’s why I like to get all my bragging in now.

The CEO would just be a fall guy, and the decision-making would go to someone else.

I think this all the time. I have trouble being in the moment, but my life right now is possibly the best it’ll ever be. So it’s important that I take the time to be grateful for how things are right now.

A few years back the GOP closed a bunch of polling places in blue areas. It’s flagrant voter suppression.

You skipped the part where Republicans closed polling locations in Democrat-leaning areas. The lines are intentional on election day.

“customers are shopping more with Kroger now than ever because we are fighting inflation and providing great value.”

I call shenanigans. I don’t always pay close attention to the prices of all the things I buy, but one thing I do pay attention on is soda. (Probably because it’s bad for me, so I give myself additional justification to buy it or not.)

And amidst all this “inflation”, and all the talk about lowering prices back down to reasonable levels Kroger’s price just on soda just jumped 25%.

Years ago I used to get a 12-pack for $5, and sometimes there’d be a 3-for-$12 deal. When COVID hit, it was 3-for-$15. Post-COVID, $7 a box. When they raised it to $8, I stopped buying it unless it’s on sale or if my wife specifically requests it, and then I only buy one.

Then I went to Kroger a few weeks ago, and the only way to get a price under $8/box was to sign up for something on their app and sell them my personal information. So I decided not to buy from Kroger anymore.

This week my wife specifically requested a box, I was in Kroger anyway, and now it’s $10/box or 3-for-$8. Fuck that. They hit their limit with me, and there are no circumstances in which I’m paying that much for soda.

Thank you. I agree about many comics straining to find humor. That’s why I don’t make very many comics.

Past me is absolutely furious that I don’t have one ready. We switched to a pagoda style fountain a few years ago, so the best I can do is this low quality picture of him from 14 years ago as a kitten.

Bucky’s little sister passed last year, and although she was overall a much stranger cat, she drank from the waterfall part of the fountain. Sometimes Bucky would get in uncomfortably close and stare at her mouth while she was drinking. It’s hard not to imagine him unable to see the water, thinking, “What are you even doing?? There’s nothing there!”

Sorry for your loss. I hear it’s supposed to get easier, but personally I’m still waiting.

Fun fact: I almost embarrassed myself and wrote “geckering”, but my wife corrected me at the last second.

Geckering is how monkeys laugh. Foxes gekker.

Then I won’t do that. Thanks for pointing that out.

Yes it is.