Not on purpose. I’ve found that making every effort to pass as normal is far more advantageous. If I have to choose between being treated like a child because I’m different vs. being disliked because people can tell I’m hiding something but not what that something is… well, I’ll take option B.

Tell me you hate your wife without telling me you hate your wife. Clearly he also just uses her as a maid/housekeeper, because who’s sitting at home on their days off?

You discovered the problem in time, and you took her for prompt veterinary care. You absolutely deserve your pets!

The only thing more aggressively suicidal than a dog/cat is a human toddler. It’s impossible to stop your pets from getting into everything.

My cats have eaten more than their share of plastic, mainly because my natural state is “wasn’t there something in my hand a minute ago? Where could it be? And what could it possibly have been?! Ooh look I see snacks!” Luckily they’ve always horked it back up, but I worry that one day they won’t puke in time.

So, I try to be careful not to set down plastic, even going so far as to mutter, “Don’t open your hand. Go to the trash. Do NOT open your HAND. You are going to the trash. After that come back and <finish the thing>. DO NOT OPEN your stupid HAND! You are going to the trash can. Then go back and <finish the thing>. But first the trash can. But DON’T open…” and so on, for the entire time it takes me to throw the thing away and (ideally) return to what I was doing.

It takes enormous effort to keep the house perfectly safe. Making housekeeping my hobby didn’t work well for me. So instead I know my pets and their normal behaviors, keep a good pet insurance policy, and call the vet when there’s anything weird that’s taking too long to resolve.

You’re giving your pets a much better life than they’d have at the shelter. So, yes, you DO deserve them, and they deserve you.

The acronym “Laws” is a little too on the nose. I’d ask whether anyone involved in the development of these has seen the documentary film Robocop, but clearly they have and thought it was a great idea.

press X to doubt

I can’t forage for missing sunglasses that are right in front of my stupid fucking face. My dumbass would be bringing back half a handful of poison berries like “This is all I could find and I have no memory of picking them but they probably didn’t come from the poison bush I guess.”

I have similar opinions about the “iT’s nOt a diSoRdEr iTs mOdErN sOciEtY” thing that’s going around lately. Even if we lived in a utopia, I’d still be expected to listen when others speak, cook without burning myself or the food, speak without repeating myself, speak in a way that makes sense to others, keep appointments, read and comprehend instructions, transport myself from place to place without injury or forgetting necessary items…

Yeah my meds have always barely touched my symptoms during the luteal phase. It’s even worse now that perimenopause has set in. Before I figured out I’d started peri, I was googling about early onset dementia because the ADHD symptoms had gotten so unmanageable. (Y’all, I forgot my own address where I’ve been living for seven years. Forgot my own birthdate at the pharmacy. Got lost on the way to the grocery store I’ve used for ten years. Couldn’t even watch simple TV because of spacing out too much.)

Fun fact: estrogen is a neurotransmitter that helps dopamine do its thing.

I take HRT now, but the 12 days of progesterone means a week of being an absolute box of hair. I stand up and forget why. Forget nouns and have to describe them (like that stabby shovel thing for putting food in your mouth). Cooking dinner and turn to open a cabinet and just stand there swaying back and forth with no idea what I’m supposed be doing, while the food gets all fucked up.