#4 is a good thing. ORMs do not make queries better or safer, they make them easier for devs that don't learn SQL or safe calls. In some cases, they have been shown to cause slowdowns.
You're probably right, and that's why it is in quotes, but I figured if I can save some people from reading a "there's no readon this is 12 screens long" article I would.
There are plenty of alternative Internets. And even just skipping the HTTP protocol is a start. IRC is a great example.