I’m okay with a generation not instinctively crowd-funding a Zach Braff project.

The fuck you talking about? The second pic is us anytime someone shits on us or our family. Please Daddy Teddy, abandon us just one more time for a natural disaster! We’re so close!!!

Maybe, but I kinda doubt it. I think this psyop is Made in AMERICA™

ETA: Actually, I have no clue what to believe. I’m just a Texan screaming at an echo chamber of stupidity. I forgot that just because we’ve become a self-drinking glass of idiocy doesn’t mean that there could have been an external catalyst.

My next sleep paralysis demon

H3 1z d4 1 =o

I remember this happening. I remember thinking “who the fuck is trying to buy you? These are your tax dollars.” I remember realizing that the problem was giving Biden the W.

Perhaps from their high moral ground, God can hear them asking what part of his plan this is.

When I was in elementary school back in the 1900s, I went to a friend’s house in Kerrville. My parents made me promise that I wouldn’t tell anyone that I’m Jewish. The old freethinker German towns around San Antonio are such weird, corrupt, stupid places.

He really wants to tickle that dragon’s tail, huh?

My dogs eat strings and tufts from their toys that hang out from their butts sometimes when they poop. Is this fashion?

If you swallow a bunch of gunpowder, drink gasoline, fill yourself with nitroglycerin, and then slam yourself on the floor—sure, you’ll get hired by the talent agent, but then you have to reveal that you can only do the trick once.

My parents got my sisters and Ime the digital Encyclopedia Britannica and purchased any available updates. Pretty fucking sweet, looking back on it.

Sure, but some people at least had plausible deniability. The moment that he became president and showed his competencies, all doubt should have flown out the window.

Thank you. I love Rex ♥️

These LIARS are being mean about me!

- Joseph Stalin

How to tell if the people you voted for will actually help you.

Their proposed tax plan or past passed measures include the words “more than”: No. They plan to help their friends, not you.

People have been warning you since July of last year January 2017 and you specifically chose to ignore it.

In my experience with people from the small religious towns near my city, they’re shocking shockingly good at compartmentalizing pain and waving away responsibility with explanations such as “God’s plan” or platitudes like “God never gives us more than we can carry.”

'Round these parts of Texas, people will tell you that if you feel like you’re carrying too heavy an emotional or spiritual load, it’s because you haven’t noticed that Jesus is carrying it with you. You just need to lean on God (aka beg from your community). But if an unhoused person should ever repeat something like this, they’ll lash out for being godless and lazy.

Most of them will get past this just fine: their conscience is God’s problem.

Excuse me, but as a Texan living about an hour and a half from those floods and having attended summer camp about half an hour away, I’d like to know more about your dog. Can you share a good boy story?

an onerous mandate that imposed burdensome record-keeping

WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE POOR BUSINESS OWNERS??? They just want to be entrepreneurs, we can’t bog them down with things like benefits, record-keeping, and paying employees!!!

But he’s wearing an ascot! Those are rich, dignified grays! You can tell he’s rich and cultured.

…Cuz of the ascot.

*Looking in the mirror after getting abandoned by another blind date who called him “shallow, bland, and aggravating” just before disappearing.*
“I have a good personality. An ascot is personality, right?”