Of course, you are the only protagonist of your movie and you must chase your destiny. You must follow your heart, and you must be honest to yourself, and you must chase with all your might, and if you’re lucky, you might find who you really are and what it is to be human, and only then do you find out what everyone else is and what humanity is all about, and only then do you find your purpose in life.
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Because you are problem solving, and problem solving sometimes requires sidestepping confrontation altogether. Those who want confrontation for the sake of confrontation are debate winners and not problem solvers, two very different kinds of people.
Looks like I’m quite late to suggest, but couldn’t we use AI to admin instances & mod communities, if not fully then at least the bulk of it? Also charge users on a freemium model so as to pay for admins / mods? Every instance needs an incentive structure to maintain a healthy & happy community and a way to pay for the operations required to run the instance.
You don’t owe anybody anything, just survival and freedom for yourself and that’s it. You can take care of others only after you are safe and content.
To give an analogy, in case of an airline emergency, you put your mask on first before you help others. You are only responsible for yourself and not others. But if you are all set, then sure you may help others and it is encouraged that you do, but not a responsibility.
Of course we’ve heard of bookmarks! Infact we used to use them a whole lot back when we were young. We really started quite organized, but as life changes over the years and decades, bookmarks become irrelevant or lost or unmanageable. You have multiple machines that died, multiple phones lost or abandoned, multiple browsers that you have here and there.
And yet, bookmarking a tab requires that I apply immediate effort in deciding how to organize this tab for eternity and within the framework of the rest of my bookmarks so I’m able to retrieve this bookmark should I need to in the future and yet keep the entire collection relatively clutter free. So again it’s all so much effort for not much gain.
Lastly, I still need to clarify an important point is that keeping a tab open is like keeping it open in your head - like a neuron in your brain holding that important information should you need it. It’s like a jigsaw piece waiting for the rest of the pieces while you are constantly problem solving and not wasting time in pointless organization. One day those those jigsaw puzzles will click together. Trust me, I’m a professional problem solver ;)
Closing a tab requires that I apply immediate effort in deciding that I’m never going down this path ever again till the end of time, and yet I risk future regret if I ever want to reference a closed tab. So much effort for so little gain - tidiness for the sake of it. If you become cool with clutter, then these open tabs are different pieces that help understand and solve bigger picture problems.
Across all my machines and browsers, I think I might have over 10k tabs that I’ve opened but never closed.
Ah fair, trust your memory more, yes. Reality check, like biting your finger to make sure you’re not dreaming, hard to keep doing lol.
Hmm, I can relate. Memory is leaky, like your dreams can mix in, so don’t trust memory, and that’s fair. What’s the alternative, like are you gonna stop daydreaming? Can you even stop daydreaming? I don’t think so. You can only accept / embrace who you are.
Resources for how to apply yourself? Well, just focus on what you do best and do just that. We get the machine we get, we don’t get to choose, and we don’t get a manual or a fieldbook on how to use it, we can only observe, reflect, and do our best, and that is it.
It’s all good, your brain has automatically prioritized processing over rote memorization of useless info, which by the way can still be accessed given the right context. Otherwise, embrace the processing bit and apply your computational genius to the max, forgive your memory loss.
We need context.
Two ways -
You have as much free will as a leaf or a fish.
Replace shame with self love, don’t feel guilty, be kind and forgiving of self, we don’t know it, but when we’re procrastinating, deeper calculations are happening on the risk reward trade-off of said task, reordering of priorities is happening (you will find joy and freedom of utmost importance), granular processing of the environment and system definition is happening, problem solving is happening, there’s a lot going on, all in the background, you can only accept it, feeling guilty or mad is so pointless that’s why it becomes exhausting.
We don’t like being watched, it takes away our freedom, which is of utmost importance. My cats want to sit around me and stare at me all day, the moment I stare back, they don’t want to look at me, they don’t want to make eye contact, they get so uncomfortable, they’ll walk away pretending to be distracted by something else, thinking I’m a fool, I get their games and I beat them at it!
Hey, don’t say you’re a mistake, you’re a god damn marvelous creation of the universe. You feel trapped, you need freedom, and you’ll use this as motivation to do what you need to do everyday to survive and then eventually thrive in life. You just need to believe in yourself, I believe in you! ~another autist, talking from similar experiences, I almost dropped out of college too, took up a job even, only to go back and wrap up college in time before they kicked me, using that degree to immigrate to better lands following my girlfriend, settling down, having beautiful kids, chasing my dreams, finding purpose, and all that shit.
If you’re not weirdo, are you even living, lol? Embrace the weirdo! Chase joy with all your might!
I was “would do well if applied self and stopped getting distracted” when - things were too new, too hard, too boring, too distracting (not engaging), too much memorization of random facts and rules (history/geography/language).
I was “gifted and pleasure to teach” when - I got all the support I needed and I was shown that there was a system that was logical that I can understand if I just tried (math/physics/chemistry).
I don’t see that as cursed, but rather that humanity is so resilient no matter the size of the evil, humanity always endures. And it’s not just the US, but pretty much any population in any region going back to thousands of years. The God that helps survive all this evil is called Oneness (cooperation & empathy). And that we are the product of strong ancestors.
PS: we’ll be alright.