From my experience:

Gently let your husband know that if his mom says something negative that he should not pass it along to you. What his mom said did not hurt you until he told you. That’s how I taught my kid not to spread gossip.

As for your mother in law, if she comments that something is messy, hand her a broom. That’s how I got my certified-clean-freak mom to stop making comments. “Vacuum’s in the closet” was another one, but she was my mom, not my MIL, so it wasn’t as hard for me. Sooo…have your husband do it. :)

Or alternately when you tell your parents about a memory you have from growing up and they get pissy and say, “You survived”.

Sucks. I’m sorry you experienced that.

Agreed. 100%.

Sometimes though, when we’re frustrated and dumping that out, it sounds like we are saying that. It’s very easy to ‘us vs. them’ the situation.

Example: “Oh my god! Other people remember that they are boiling water for eggs? I have ADHD and I forget and leave the kitchen to do something else all the time. This suuuucks! It’s not fair for us.” I’m sure that there are some ADHD people who don’t have to work with a technique just to cook eggs (I do. I set timers.), but there you have it.

This is why parents of ADHD kids have to hound them to brush their teeth even in teenage years. I won’t relate my history. I’ll just say it was not good.

My hobby is also collecting hobbies. Here is how I effectively kill any new hobby. I invest money in it. I was really into pickleball last summer, played it every day, then bought a racket (I was borrowing), balls, and a bag…and scene.

Oh my god

My mom. Super skinny her whole life. People thought she took care of herself, but I knew that she forgot to eat for days.

I used to think that would be nice. I have the other end of it where I am constantly nibbling for dopamine hits.

I never manage to do it more than about 3 weeks before my brain just completely shuts off that pathway and it’s like I forget that process exists altogether.

This is me. How can you just “forget” something you’ve developed into a routine and done daily for a month? I do though. Shit.

I am not every ADHD person, but this could have been written by me. I had NO IDEA that you could have something be so ingrained that you don’t think about it. Even if I develop a “routine” of doing something, it is NEVER automatic. I have to put mental effort, even if small, into every task or it won’t get done.

After reading this my definition of habit would be better termed routine. I develop a routine and I try to stick to it. Also I could have a great routine and it lasts for a month or so and then it’s just, I don’t know what else to call it but ‘gone’. It’s gone. That routine is gone.

Deleted orginal comment because I was feeling snarky when I wrote it. Nevermind.

I’m doing my part. I had two posts on Reddit. One was superniche and got 30ish points. Whatever, I was happy. It had useful info for the other people on the sub. Then I posted something to the broader community and got two downvotes in like 1 second, killing it. How did they even look at it? I think someone was sitting there gleefully downvoting every fucking thing. I never posted again.

I’ve been here since mid June and have made 264 posts, like WTF. I’m having more fun here than I ever did on Reddit and I don’t get that sick feeling I used to get from seeing all the outrage posts and mean comments (to everyone, not just me).

Loving Lemmy.

But why would my parents take me to a doctor when my mom does all the same stuff?

“It’s normal.” …uh, no. Mom had undisagnosed ADHD.