I know the purists might sneer at me for this, but I just spun up a server via Hetzner so I could run Docker in the cloud
Not an answer to your question, but don't let some gatekeeper.. well, gate keep. There are many ways to selfhost. Running your own hardware is one, renting a VPS but hosting the services yourself is another one. One is not better than the other.
Just pick what is the best solution for you and your problem.
Now it was many years since I saw it, so my memory might be a bit off. It is true that ISS does an orbit in ~90 min, but in order for them to get hit by the debris in that time... They have to remain totally stationary?
And during the EVA there was an invisible force tugging on them and pulling them away?