If a gift is given with expectations its not a gift, its a trade you didnt agree to. You have to be able to deny the gift. Maybe you should talk about expectations and preference.
Even thoug the comment wasnt a direct diagnose its still unessecerly labeling. The explained situation could have multiple layers we cant possibly know of.
Sich den Tod von Menschen zu wünschen die dem Frieden unterbinden ist durch und durch friedfertig.