I noticed it's your "cake day". Says you've been here for 2 years. Shortly after October 7th.
There's something called second-hand or secondary PTSD. Happens to first responders, doctors and nurses, and social/care workers. You see enough fucked up stuff happening to other people and it traumatizes you just the same.
At the same time, this is about humanity. How can we see the slaughter and not be moved to action? Who are we if we simply choose to look away?
And yet, still, your brain is melting and your heart is singed every day by gazing upon the horrors in the cyber chaos feeds.
You simply can't keep looking. You're gazing into the abyss and it is looking back at you. Stop.
You gotta process all this and integrate it. Then you can figure out what to do about it. I believe this is what Matt Christman was saying when he spoke of the "grillpill". It sounds silly but it is actually very necessary. Constantly re-traumatizing yourself just wears you down and then you can't even do anything.
If you want to fight for the love of humanity, then you've got to also live your life and bring that love into it. Hold onto every single precious beautiful thing that you can in these dark times. I want to find a quote but I can't remember who it was, there was some woman who was doing revolutionary work during a very very dark time and she said that's when we danced the hardest, laughed the loudest, loved the most, because life is beautiful and that's why they do it all.
It took me a while to understand this because I kept getting stuck on "you're privileged in the imperial core!!!!!!!!" guilt like, ohh how nice for you, of course you can just turn off the computer and ignore the horrors and go take a walk in the sunshine, you piece of shit. Scrolling infinitely at the horrors is sort of like punishing yourself, it's self harm. But ultimately this is part of the PTSD too, it's similar to survivor's guilt.
It is really bad but I also just have this feeling that things just aren't going to turn out the way they want it to. They have this grand plan for total domination but they're a bunch of clowns and i think it's gonna be a big fat mess instead. Then, in that chaos, who knows what could happen?
Autism and the Predictive Brain: Absolute Thinking in a Relative World by Peter Vermeulen - it draws upon a lot of neurological studies to attempt to explain autism. I found it very fascinating. The theory is that the brain does not merely react to stimuli, but first predicts it. Since the brain is like a predictive model, autism is like having a model that is 'context blind' and prone to prediction errors - leading to the stereotypical symptoms of rigidity, anxiety, sensitivity to stimuli etc. Symptoms can be improved if given extra information and extra context. I found this to be true for myself, in social situations anyway.
Another explanation I found enlightening was that the sensory issues are not like you have some 'superpower' where all noises are magnified 10000x. No, you hear noises the same but it's like injected straight into your limbic system (emotions). This makes a lot of sense to me, because I personally experienced how my sensory volume never really changed, but more like my perception of it. Before burnout, my dog barking could get annoying, but during burnout, it was like I was raw, and the barking was like being 'punched in the head' and assaulted all day, leading to rage and meltdowns etc. Part of why this is, is because the predictive brain either fails to predict a sound properly (that's louder than I thought omg!!) or it's been reinforced by the negative reaction, and continues to predict that omg this sound is gonna be soooo loud and hurt omg !!!! Because of this, if you were to use sensory deprivation as your only treatment, you might reinforce this and make it even worse. Not that you can simply 'get over it' like when they blast loud music at people in ABA, but there might actually be some way to gradually expose yourself and keep calm (maybe).
Yeah for sure. It was such a mindfuck for me because I never knew I had it. I was just extremely anxious, social anxiety, always struggling with depression, averse to a lot of things, and low self esteem. I thought I was just weak-willed and wasn't trying hard enough. But realizing I had a disability this whole time changed everything. It all makes sense now. That stuff was always going to be there because of how I'm wired. Things will always be harder for me in certain ways.
But at this stage it's confusing where the lines are. Like, I'm not sure what I can do without burning out. Sometimes I have days that are so good it makes me question if I have it. Then other days are bad again and I feel silly for ever doubting. I don't know if I'll ever be able to work at a proper job. Or even at all. I'm lucky that at the moment I don't absolutely have to, but I don't know how long that will last, and it makes me scared.
I want to have hope sooo bad... and I understand you've helped with his campaign and say he's the real deal. But I thought the "reform or revolution" question was already answered. Are we wrong about that?
Like, I don't see how this ends well unless it's all part of a much larger plan to get a revolution going. Is there a larger plan? You don't have to say what it is, if it's like op sec or whatever.
I could see it if it's like, a plan to radicalize more people:
Mayor tries to do objectively good shit and gets ratfucked --> people get angrier and say fuck the system (but they could just end up getting more fascist)
Mayor gets some good things done --> hey socialism is cool, maybe we should join! (join what exactly tho? no vanguard party?)
I used to be picky as hell and I'm just thankful that my tastes have somehow magically changed and I enjoy healthy stuff. Like, I actually like salads now!
It was definitely a sensory thing cuz my parents literally tried to force me to eat things like spinach and I just couldn't do it. Now I like spinach in my salad lol.
Sushi was one of those things for me too. I loooooove sushi now.
On Garuda rn, works good