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RBWells

@ RBWells @lemmy.world

Posts
4
Comments
1858
Joined
3 yr. ago

  • How much do you care about music?

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  • I am an enthusiast but not a musician. So somewhere in the middle I guess? I try to go to several live shows every year, I'm aware of when someone I like puts out new music, I seek out unknown artists because I do love live performances more than recordings.

    I care enough about sound to buy Klipsch Bluetooth speakers on sale for the portable ones, all wired earbuds sound fine to me, as do the Google speakers we have paired to do stereo in the living room. I don't have the sort of ears that can tell great from good speakers, but can't listen to music on my phone speaker like my kids & husband can, those are so bad it bothers me.

    Music to me is art and entertainment, I don't think I'd call it content.

  • Please let me know

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  • Yes but my commute is 10-15 minutes by bicycle, and my kids are all adults now.

    I prioritize making time for sleep, exercise and sex in my day, and let everything else work around those. So some of my exercise comes from commuting but I do also do yoga about 4 hours a week and try to lift weights at least once.

    When my kids were young, NO it is impossible to do alone. Even if you do have carpool help and aftercare and all, it's hard. There were years I had to get up at 5 and run to get exercise and other years it was the gym at 22:00 after a night class. But I have always found that it works better if you make your priorities (exercise needs to be one of those) and make a commitment to do those.

    I usually have had jobs that were more than the 40 hours, and am NOT a work hard play hard person at all. But if you have one of those 8 hour a day jobs and sleep for 7.5 hours and take half an hour on each end of that to get ready and (critically important) don't have some hours long commute, there's plenty of time in the day. I remember when I first got a job that ended at 1700 and having time to cook, feed everyone and go to yoga, or hustle to the 1730 Jazzercise class after work and then still have time to make supper after, instead of feeling so terribly rushed all the time.

    Now my day is: wake up around 7, leave for work around 9 after a nice leisurely morning. Work 9:30 to 6:30 (18:30) ride home and get ready for yoga, go exercise and come home and make supper by 9 (21:00), eat and have a Pokemon go walk or read or listen to music, (I cook, my husband takes care of the dishes after) then get ready for bed and try to sleep 23-7, sometimes this is midnight to 7 but I do need a solid 7 hours, too much sleep is migraine trigger unfortunately but I sleep well and soundly for that 7 and wake up pretty naturally. It feels like a balanced life.

    ETA: I forgot to add, we do the grocery shopping Friday evenings, at a complex that has restaurants and bars and a Ben & Jerry's, go out for one drink or a restaurant meal then get groceries then go home, so we can treat it like a night out not just an errand. And most weekends are free of work, though we do each have busy seasons with 7 day weeks for a few weeks - during his busy season I do more of the cleaning and we get more takeout meals, during mine we get more takeout or he or the kids will cook. And we outsource the cleaning and have some essentials on auto-ship. I know that work and exercise aren't the only things you have to do in a week! But we don't do them on weekdays usually.

  • At your age, what surprises you the most about yourself?

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  • I am similar, everyone said Oh just wait till your 30s, oh just wait till you have kids, oh just wait till your 40s but it was my 50s that the weight really did stick, and like you I am not fat by any real standard, smack dab in the middle of healthy by BMI, and probably more conventionally attractive body type with a little bit of T & A but was so attached to being skinny it is disorienting. Logically I know this size is probably healthier for my bones and I feel good and am active, but I feel like I lost part of my identity, and don't like it.

  • Why do people hate on cosmetic surgeries so much?

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  • Cosmetic or elective procedures aren't covered by insurance though. If you mean resources like doctors, I agree somewhat, but insurance denying/underpaying/jamming access to essential procedures to force profit is a separate issue, and a much bigger one.

  • I have had abdominal pain for days and I just got hit there and I just cannot take it anymore

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  • Get back to the doctor, that is alarming and not a "suck it up, buttercup" situation. Pain doesn't come from nowhere, there has to be something going on in there.

  • People telling me I’m good with kids hurts

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  • I'm sorry you are hurting. From someone with a lot of kids - sometimes what kids need is a trusted adult who isn't their parent. Or even a parent. My kids are all fighting for the position of childless aunt or uncle. You don't need to spawn kids for 'being good with kids' to be an asset.

    But also as someone with lots of kids - if you want to raise or help kids there are ways to do that even if you don't personally want to reproduce. Half of mine came to me through marriage, and half those my husband adopted from a previous relationship. There is adoption, fostering, Big Brother, Guardian ad Litem, childless people ARE important to children, never doubt it.

  • Why do people hate on cosmetic surgeries so much?

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  • I will counter with Martha Stewart, Helena Bonham Carter, Courtney Cox, and I'm sure so many more who really look like they have had face/neck lifts but just look good.

  • Why do people hate on cosmetic surgeries so much?

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  • My daughter says she hates it because it means money can make you look better.

    I kind of like that though - it is more democratic than "natural beauty" being the standard. If beauty is something you do or buy, maybe people think it's cheating, but how is that worse than it being luck?

    Don't imagine I'll ever have enough $ to want to spend it on cosmetic surgery, but I knew a lady with bad skin tone - she had a baby and was overweight, lost the weight but her torso skin stayed stretched out, all saggy. She got a tummy tuck and boob lift and holy cow it looked amazing, she felt so good about her body and said "it cost as much as a car but I will drive my body much longer than my car.". Nobody is going to convince me that's a bad thing that she ought not have done. She wasn't disfigured before, she did it to look good and she sure did.

    Every person owns their own body and should modify it however they want. I am not against even creative cosmetic surgery, you want elf ears, go for it. And I do not think ugly people are under any obligation to get modified so that they look "better" either. Whatever the individual wants, it is their call. This is one situation where I really feel it is not my business at all.

  • At your age, what surprises you the most about yourself?

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  • I am in my mid-50s and surprised by a few things. I'm not jaded, small things still delight me. I'm not nostalgic, find so much good new music every year, new authors and books, still figure out different ways to approach problems at my work - I thought I'd be more stuck or settled by now, and for sure thought I'd be bored and jaded.

    And I am constantly surprised nothing really hurts yet, thought I'd be less together physically than I am. Sometimes surprised I can still cartwheel.

    I am unhappily surprised to see society going backwards and hope I live long enough to see it turn back around and progress.

  • Is there an optimal home/apartment size that most people would be happy with?

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  • When we had 6 kids living with us, 2500 sq feet felt luxurious. Two kids in each bedroom upstairs, and we had a bedroom downstairs, there were 6 bathrooms in that house (5 full one just a toilet and sink) and it did feel big.

    When we had 4 kids in a 1300 sq foot house, it was plenty enough room but there was only one bathroom and that made it more difficult.

    We had 2 in a 1300 with 2 bathrooms AND a garage for storage and workout room, that worked fine, but the bedrooms were big and living room tiny, that is not ideal, it needed to be arranged differently.

    Now we have 2 kids in an 1800 sq feet house and I would say this is ideal, it's arranged so the kids have their own living room/gaming room outside of their small bedrooms, and we have a bedroom on the other side of the house where the kitchen and main living room are. Also a great big back deck that can be accessed from our bedroom and that main living room, which adds enough capacity we can have big parties. 2.5 bathrooms, 3.5 would be better. When these last 2 kids move out it will STILL be ideal, an office, a guest room or workout room, a den, we could even move the TV out of the living room then if we wanted.

    So I think how it's arranged makes a difference but family of 4 in 1800sq ft feels like we have a big house to me.

  • Feeding my family alone is expensive. I can't afford to feed all of y'all.

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  • Yeah I cook for Easter and don't expect anybody to bring anything but it's not as big as Thanksgiving. We had an enormous Halloween party too, but that was more drinking than eating, we just got a nice veggie platter and fried chicken and some dips & chips (sourdough crackers, tortilla crisps) but good cocktails.

    I do enjoy hosting in general, it's satisfying and a party is more fun for me when I have something to do.

  • Feeding my family alone is expensive. I can't afford to feed all of y'all.

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  • I do host thanksgiving for more than 20 usually, we do an all-comers meal, whoever wants to come to eat can. It's fun and I enjoy it and yep everyone brings something but even so it is expensive for certain. Legitimately thankful that we can do this for everyone. But even when I was younger people coming to Thanksgiving brought something, is that not a usual expectation if you are going to a party? At least bring wine or ice or something.

  • Do you have a good sense of humor?

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  • The ability to see what is funny in a situation, quick wit, I think that's a good sense of humor. Understanding what will be funny to your audience. Not mean-ness. Though I do find snarky sarcasm funny, not the hurtful kind.

    And yes, sometimes I am funny, or so I am told.

  • I guess my marriage is history

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  • I feel like there are no bad guys here. Are you on meds yet? That helped my kids. I do sympathize most with your wife - you are going to have to do a lot of the stuff she's doing for you now if you break up, so I can understand she is frustrated you won't do it.

    We divide labor in my house. Husband is more tight about cleaning, he doesn't want mess. I don't care as much, I do clean up but not in an organized way and certainly not to his standards. He does what he can, but importantly - we also have a cleaning lady come every second week because I know my limitations and it's not fair to push all the cleaning off onto husband. He doesn't cook, I do that, the gardening, the finances & tech stuff (cleaning up takes as much time as all of that together I think and I value so much not having to do as much of it) and we both work full time. Some stuff we put on auto-ship so neither of us have the mental load. Dog food, flea medicine, toilet paper, medicines. Anything where it can come at a regular frequency. He writes a lot of post it notes too & phone reminders - if you aren't good at remembering, use timers and notes.

    I know you are posting mostly to vent, and might not want suggestions so please just take this as it's meant, some thoughts because your post resonates with me. I am sorry y'all are going through this, both of you.

  • I need a savoury, summery drink as an alternative to beer

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  • Oh, a note - in the US I have to use organic ginger for ginger beer, all the rest of it must have been irradiated or had some hotshot anti-everything spray because only organic ferments.

    Not for any other ferment I make is this true, only ginger. Tepache, fruit kvass, sourdough, I use conventionally grown stuff. I'm not sure this holds true everywhere but if it doesn't work, get organic ginger.

  • Influencers made millions pushing ‘wild’ births – now the Free Birth Society is linked to baby deaths around the world.

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  • Influencers made millions pushing ‘wild’ births – now the Free Birth Society is linked to baby deaths around the world.

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  • Midwives here are licenced, I had most of my kids at home and the midwife could handle slight complications, and did. Babies die in hospital births too, I'm sure all experienced OBs have lost moms and babies, birth is not always safe. Midwives have better outcomes here but can (and are required to) turn down high risk clients so it's not an apples to apples thing.

    But they certainly aren't like you are characterizing, they are very good specialist medical providers- is Canada so different?

    ETA: with the first two we did not have insurance, midwife did a sliding scale billing according to income, with the second set I had insurance but preferred home birth. With two of them (the first and last) they would have come at home or in the car anyway, I had very short and intense labor, am close to hospitals but midwife got to me in 5 minutes, time to set up and catch the baby. With one I had to be induced so she still attended but at birth center not home.

  • The ancient Greeks or Chinese should have already had words for this.

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  • I am good at design, can visualize how something will look when it's done but no don't SEE in my mind like that when I imagine how things look. It's a different sort of knowing. Cannot hold an image and rotate it in my mind and absolutely can't read a map that isn't facing the right way, there is a blindness.

    Surely not antphasic because I do see in dreams, same as through eyes. And I do KNOW how things look when they aren't in front of me, and can know what imaginary things might look like too, but it doesn't at all feel like seeing it with my eyes.

    Love reading. Love love love it, learned when I was very young, same age I was learning to talk, actually, like a language not a skill. And I do have an internal ear, when I remember music I hear it in my mind and it is so much like hearing it in my ears. Imagining how something looks does not feel the same as seeing it.

  • I need a savoury, summery drink as an alternative to beer

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  • The best starter for ginger beer is "ginger bug"

    Start with 2 big spoonfuls each of (grated) ginger and sugar in 2 cups of water. Stir it twice daily and feed it once a day, alternating

    Day 1, spoonful of sugar

    Day 2, spoonful of sugar and spoonful of grated ginger.

    Here it gets active in a couple of days but better to keep feeding and stirring for a week. Use a cup of the liquid to ferment a gallon of ginger beer and save another cup tightly covered in a refrigerator to start your next batch, so it will go faster.

    You can make it with yeast but it doesn't taste as good and is fussier.