Pandantic [they/them]

  • 14 Posts
  • 419 Comments
Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: June 28th, 2023

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  • 2nd grade, the meanest teacher I ever had got mad at me for using a colorful pen to write on my classwork. In front of the class, she told me to “never bring that pen back to school.” This was a new pen that I had just bought - the kind with multiple colors inside and I wanted it for my babysitter’s after school so I could use it on the Spirograph - so I said, “Can’t I just keep it in my backpack? I go to my babysitter’s…” and that’s where she cut me off and proceeded to yell at me in front of the whole class and made me sit out for recess for “talking back”. Since I had “lunch detention”, I had to eat last, but I had never been in big trouble before and I cried the whole recess and, by the time my lunch came I couldn’t eat from crying so they called my mom to talk me into eating.












  • I know it must be hard to internalize, especially when what you are looking for is a reason this thing happened, but we are, at least to some extent, victims of our circumstances and random chance. Blaming yourself, especially in such a nebulous way (unless you were actually a real terrible person in the past?) is only destructive and brings no positivity to your life.

    And no, being envious of your nephew doesn’t make you an asshole, it’s all part of grieving. But it is ultimately destructive and negative, so learning to let go is a good idea. And I believe you will in time. Idk how long it’s been since your wife died, but what you’re going through seems pretty understandable considering the circumstances. Good on you for going to therapy, that is an important step, even if only to beat back the isolation one can put themselves in while grieving. Keep your head up. I don’t know you, but I don’t think even the woo woo gods would see fit to take your wife unless you intentionally killed someone - I mean, an eye for an eye, right? If you want to believe in karma woo woo, then believe that you’ve got to put positivity back into the world because you need it in your life. That would be a self fulfilling prophecy.

    Hang in there, comrade. ❤️