Sadly for everyone else stuck married to/being forced to parent such a lovable, humorous spouse, the phrase you're probably looking for is weaponized incompetence
In the big cities? Dalls? Austin? Nah. People might look at you weird.
Anywhere else? ...Might have to give some killjoy 15min to an hour to call the cops
Normally, an image would have already been posted of the cover art for Bear by Marian Engel, and though it doesn't apply here, there's always someone looking out for our needs
Sadly for everyone else stuck married to/being forced to parent such a lovable, humorous spouse, the phrase you're probably looking for is weaponized incompetence