Grew up teaching myself, except that my childhood was traumatic. Narcissists, drug users, abandonment, etc. Grew up expecting harm from others unless I gave them what they want. Also highly sensitive to the idea of fairness and perceived rejection (neurodivergence or trauma responses).
Service top. In control, but doing what others want. Needs reassurance and an expression of desire while in control of other people.Partner selection is a pain in the ass.

I have been asked on more than one occasion by folks who have heard enough of my story to know what I’ve come through how I managed to come through it, and my response is steadfastly: “Because I had to.”
There’s no great secret. No deep well of reserves. You just keep going.It’s not exactly healthy, nor does it make one the most happy person. You unlearn what you can, when you can, or try to, anyway.