I feel that a good therapist could help you work through this fear of going outside. You may not find one locally that vibes with you. Televisits are how I meet with mine. Beyond that, do you have a friend that you could travel with? Columbus is pretty progressive, and you could visit other cities with strong queer communities which could help you build confidence that going out into the world is not as dangerous for you as the close-minded people have conditioned you to believe. The more you do it, the easier it becomes, so they say (this may sound unrealistic when you're at the very beginning of your journey to a better life, but you may find it to be true if you keep putting yourself out there as much as you can tolerate).
Other than that, I can say with certainty that there are women out there who are attracted to men like you. Ironically, you might find them in gay bars. I happen to be a woman like this, and apparently through high school dated boys who eventually came out of the closet (though not because of them not exactly fitting the traditional straight male persona, but because they were gentle and kind and witty and smart and a little bit sassy). This was early 90s in a very very religious and conservative area somewhat straight south from you, so I may relate in some way to the hate you've experienced. Those boys may have known all along about their sexuality and were masking, but at least one of them didn't figure it out until after he was married to a woman.
Anyway, I find I am way more comfortable in a gay bar setting, just not so much on ladies' night, lol. And not just in a gay bar but also in the day to day queer spaces where acceptance is pretty much infused throughout the environment. Those places exist, and you would be welcome there.
I just met my stepbrother last week despite our parents being together for several years now. He's 20-something years younger than I am (I'm almost 50 and he's in his twenties). If I think of him as stepparent's kid, it's not weird to me; similar to kids of close friends. If I think of him as stepbrother it feels strange. Maybe that's more to do with both of us being only children than the age gap.
Fortunately, we have enough in common that we got along really well!
I have a couple of friends that had a baby and the mom also had 2 teenage daughters (the baby is the dad's first kid; he was so excited to become a dad). The daughters seemed well adjusted to it. Your stepkid could be expecting you to want a kid of your own.
Why don't the 3 of you chat with a family therapist together to see if some of these concerns can be resolved or maybe aren't so much concerns at all.
I have to disagree with Elanor Rigby. Yes it's a quick tempo, but the E minor key makes it very bleak even without the lyrics. And I may be wrong but it's also an overall pretty bleak song for Paul's typical compositions. So it's kind of always stood out to me.
I do love it very much though.
I would submit And Your Bird Can Sing as an upbeat melancholy song off Revolver.
If they didn't use this song in True Blood or just about any other campy Mississippi delta monster/ slasher film, then they done messed up.
I could only make it through the first season of True Blood, having read all the books that were available at the time. I actually learned about the book series and the show from a SDCC panel (we wanted good seats for the panel immediately after the True Blood one). Watching as Charlaine Harris's fans lost their everloving minds got me all curious.
I mentioned Bruce & CCR in another nested comment a little before you posted, but I don't think I'm familiar with this Stevie song. I'll go check it out.
But it's about the euphoria one may experience after deciding to go through with it. Yaayy
/s
PS, I have witnessed the euphoria, but I didn't recognize it for what it was at the time. They were calling to say goodbye. Fuck, that still gets to me.
Steely Dan seems more low key. And he hates on my alma mater lol. And he acted like kind of a dick when I saw him live. But I do love his sound, like warm tea with honey and a lil splash of bourbon.
Don't forget to pick up a tin of cookies at the dollar store when you get your kit. You get snacks and a place to store your sewing supplies that is needle-poke-proof.
I feel that a good therapist could help you work through this fear of going outside. You may not find one locally that vibes with you. Televisits are how I meet with mine. Beyond that, do you have a friend that you could travel with? Columbus is pretty progressive, and you could visit other cities with strong queer communities which could help you build confidence that going out into the world is not as dangerous for you as the close-minded people have conditioned you to believe. The more you do it, the easier it becomes, so they say (this may sound unrealistic when you're at the very beginning of your journey to a better life, but you may find it to be true if you keep putting yourself out there as much as you can tolerate).
Other than that, I can say with certainty that there are women out there who are attracted to men like you. Ironically, you might find them in gay bars. I happen to be a woman like this, and apparently through high school dated boys who eventually came out of the closet (though not because of them not exactly fitting the traditional straight male persona, but because they were gentle and kind and witty and smart and a little bit sassy). This was early 90s in a very very religious and conservative area somewhat straight south from you, so I may relate in some way to the hate you've experienced. Those boys may have known all along about their sexuality and were masking, but at least one of them didn't figure it out until after he was married to a woman.
Anyway, I find I am way more comfortable in a gay bar setting, just not so much on ladies' night, lol. And not just in a gay bar but also in the day to day queer spaces where acceptance is pretty much infused throughout the environment. Those places exist, and you would be welcome there.