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JayleneSlide

@ JayleneSlide @lemmy.world

Posts
12
Comments
351
Joined
2 yr. ago

  • Divorcees of Lemmy, why did your marriage end?

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  • Thank you for this. My wife left about a week ago. It blindsided me, but I’m hindsight I could have seen it.

    1. Happy to help
    2. JFC, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, and I deeply empathize. I'm just some douchebag on the internet, but if you need a trained ear, please feel free to DM me.
    3. Sure, hindsight is 20/20, but a critical component is giving yourself grace and emotional space

    Now I realize that if I don’t work on myself, I will bring all of my problems to any future relationship. I’m only at the very start of the journey, and every day is still painful – our relationship lasted 15 years, and that can’t be unwound quickly.

    There is sense of closure and ability of growth in understanding the whys. Explicitly working to avoid carrying forward the injuries is a huge step. As you probably already read in Gottman: the best couple's therapy is individual therapy. Empathy by way of anecdote: when I was reading Levine's "Attached," so many of the example conversations had me feeling like "Were y'all in the room when we were arguing?!"

    I'm serious about the being a sounding board/ear. I hope you find inner peace sooner rather than later.

  • Divorcees of Lemmy, why did your marriage end?

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  • Fully agreed. According to Gottman's research, relationships can survive "infidelity" just fine. It's the betrayal of trust that nukes relationships.

    I can take a lot of shit, but I just don't want to be lied to. And that's why I prefer ENM/poly. People are gonna do people things, but letting my partner have that outlet, not feeling trapped in any way, is (in my experience) critical to keeping the flame alive.

  • Divorcees of Lemmy, why did your marriage end?

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  • She didn't change; she finally revealed herself. In short, her attachment type is anxious-avoidant. That shit burns down everything around it. She was jealous AND cheating, which was just rich given that we were ENM/poly. I was so busy with life, work, and my sailboat that I only had romantic bandwidth for her.

    I am forever changed. I went on an intensive therapeutic and introspective journey. Anxious-avoidant people can be immensely attractive anxious attachment types like me. I identified that in myself, addressed my own life traumas, and developed my personal boundaries. These days, I'm less poly, more monogamish. I approached dating with explicitly defined intentions and must-haves, rather than just random chance. I found the partner of my dreams, and we're about to celebrate eight years together.

    Early on, there were mutual warning signs, but we both thought we had the tools to face any challenges. As I mentioned, I had poor boundaries, which now would put an immediate end to any such bullshit.

    What can I offer now?

    • Learn Attachment Theory and know yourself
    • Read John Gottman books before and all during your relationships
    • Get professional therapeutic help; CBT, DBT, EFT... you might already have all the tools, but a good therapist will teach how to use them in integration
    • Learn non-violent communication and/or take a workshop; this will provide massive return on investment in all aspects of your life
    • Practice meditation and mindfulness; also pays dividends everywhere

  • Ads when you’re pumping gas

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  • Oregon. And at least half the pumps must still be staffed. Washington has had self-serve for at least 30 years (when I moved here).

  • When you finally spot that mf mosquito

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  • Electric murder racquet FTW! Mosquitoes and houseflies don't stand a chance.

  • President of California’s largest union arrested while observing ICE raids in LA

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  • Look, ICE and union busters just want to make axe handles this year's must-have fashion accessory. Who are we to resist this trend?

  • Shimano kills Di2 batteries with self-powered Q’Auto hub

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  • Happy to help! The bikewrench community (https://lemmy.world/c/bikewrench) is really helpful and mostly populated by knowledgeable people. Just make sure to be patient for correct answers.

    Non-electric, non-whiz-bang bicycles are inherently knowable to everyone. All the functions are sitting right there in the open. Even the bits inside other bits are still comprehensible to a non-techie person willing to put in a couple hours of learning.

    This is in contrast to, say, an internal gear hub (IGH). There are not many people who can work on the internals of these things. I mean actually repair and rebuild them, and make them better than new.

    If you're in the neglectful commuter segment, take a look at Shimano CUES Linkglide. You can get an entire group for something like $350 (don't quote me on that). There's a lot more to indicate CUES, but I'll spare you.

  • What's your favorite instrument to listen to?

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  • Shimano kills Di2 batteries with self-powered Q’Auto hub

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  • Q'Auto is for LinkGlide, which requires pedaling pressure to shift correctly. Hyperglide and Hyperglide+ perform similarly when shifting to more teeth, albeit to a lesser degree. SRAM Eagle is another drivetrain technology that requires more torque to shift correctly. LG and Eagle can kinda shift like garbage when soft-pedaling.

    I have test-ridden LG and Eagle, For me, shifts are perfect in the 10 to 25% torque range; full pedaling torque results in perfect shifts nearly every time. And I'm a clydesdale.

    Another thing to consider: LG right now is targeted for commuters and e-bikes, although Shimano seems to be expanding the tech. So it's designed for high load and commuter levels of neglect.

    In my experience (>165,000 lifetime miles), HG requires letting up when shifting to less teeth, HG+ less so. The overarching amount of wear comes from a dirty drivetrain and riding on a worn chain*. Keep your drivetrain clean, stay on top of the prescribed maintenance intervals, and the components will last a long time.

    FWIW, the only time I have ever broken chains was putting down too much torque when shifting to a smaller tooth count. And that was only with HG. I haven't broken a chain in decades. HG+ seems to be very tolerant of more torque in both directions.

    *This script is getting flipped in some technologies (Eagle, IIRC), with the chain having a much longer service interval than the chainrings.

  • Shimano kills Di2 batteries with self-powered Q’Auto hub

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  • This, along with the new XTR, is sexy AF. It's also absolutely antithetical to my ideal of the bicycle. Will there be parts in 30 years? Hell, will it last ten years? Can my knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing dumb ass work on it with the tools I already have and are applicable to all of my other bikes? What happens when it stops working and is no longer supported?

    Shimano may have gotten better about this, but the last time I had to rebuild an STI lever, I swore off brifters. Okay, I've got one road bike with 10-speed STI, but I got it for $150 from a shop going out of business.

    To paraphrase Louis Rossman: if you are unable to repair it, you don't own it.

  • Have you ever been rejected just because of your height?

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  • Regularly throughout my life. I'm also 5'7". It seems to be less of an issue now that I'm older. People are going to like what they like. But people who limit their choices to strict deterministic traits tend to completely skip right over awesome people, and then they wonder why they're partners are so terrible.

    So yeah, this shit is going to happen. You'll also get chosen for your height. Focus on improving those physical traits over which you have control.

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  • Whenever even a slight amount of water flows, it spins. Shut off all the faucets and spigots, and it should not move. If it moves, you have a leak.

  • Refurbished Bike Day: 1983 Rodriguez Sport Tourer

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  • I'm not sure I'm following the reasoning. Please clarify?

    What makes this too far off? I have enormous clodhoppers and toe overlap with VO fenders was never an issue on this bike or any of my other VO fendered bikes.

  • RIP eFat 2023 - 2025

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  • Holy. Ballz. Between you and @DerPlouk@lemm.ee, this is starting to resemble a generalized design flaw. DerPlouk's break looks like more like a stress riser, whereas yours looks like an HAZ. Aaaannd that is the about the outer limit of my metal failure analysis skills.

    Are there any welders or metallurgists in the house? I would love to read a failure analysis of how and why this happened right at that spot.

  • Refurbished Bike Day: 1983 Rodriguez Sport Tourer

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  • Indeed! Locally custom built and fits me! I'd say that gets me into unicorn territory.

  • Refurbished Bike Day: 1983 Rodriguez Sport Tourer

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  • Thank you! I put in Jagwire Sport S (all weather) pads. Stopping is... confident. :D My daily whip has hydraulics with a 203mm front rotor; ALL the modulation! Grabbing a fistful of the Rodriguez front brake would absolutely launch me. I'm going to have to be aware of that when first getting on this bike.

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  • Oh, it's unreal. You probably know this, but for anyone else reading the thread: water meters have a leak indicator. On analog meters, it's a small spinning indicator; it could be a dial, needle, or just a spinning icon.

  • RIP eFat 2023 - 2025

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  • The bikewrench community might have a fix. While I never saw a chainstay break like that before, I have seen breaks in load-critical joints such as downtube to bottom bracket shell and headtube to downtube.

    My fix was to make an internal sleeve joint using carbon steel pipe. I would then epoxy it in place with 3M 5200, the same glue used to hold sailboat keels in place. Shipwrights also refer to it as Devil's Glue, because it's some tenacious stuff. The shaping on that tube complicates this fix, but some careful shaping might get you to done. The only reasons I even attempted these fixes were because the bikes had huge sentimental value to the owners.

    Another possibility could be a internal shim made of G10, wrapped in ~5 to 8 layers of biaxial fabric (glass) wetted out with 2-part epoxy. Once cured, it would be ridiculously strong in all axes, for tensile, compression, and shear. Source: this is how I repaired a broken mast spreader bar in the middle of the ocean.

    Effort-wise, you might be better off getting a new frame and using the original as an organ donor.

    Also, YMMV, fix at your own risk, blah blah blah taco.

    Edit: a word

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  • Humorous on face value, but that's not what utility companies do. In every utility district I ever lived (and it's a lot), if the meter readers were "unable" to read your meter, the consumption was estimated.

    I had many conflicts about this because I traveled a lot for work and knew that there was no possible way I could have consumed as much electricity as they estimated. It turned it that meter readers could just claim the meter was inaccessible, and their job was considered completed.