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Hossenfeffer

@ Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

Posts
24
Comments
1014
Joined
3 yr. ago

Look, you get born, you keep your head down, and then you die. If you're lucky.

#fedi22

  • translated in american

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  • Ah, yes, that also makes sense.

  • One in seven food delivery businesses in England are ‘dark kitchens’, study shows

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  • My new, favourite, curry house is delivery or collection only which, I guess, makes it a dark kitchen. But it's hands down the best curry I've had, locally, in the 14 years I've been living here. Customer service is spot on, the food is amazing, never had a bad dish or a problematic order.

    Not sure I see the problem. There's space for both sit-down eateries and delivery-only places.

  • translated in american

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  • SW stands for Soft Wankers.

  • How do I peel a hard boiled egg?

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  • Our Super Bowl

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  • I remember a sports day at primary school (I'd have been about 8 years old for those who don't understand 'primary school'). There was a 1500m race. I was so last that the guy in 2nd last didn't even know I was there and he gave up and started walking to the finish. I was still, just about, doing what I called running. My zombie-shuffle-run was faster than his walk! I could see him ahead of me. I would catch him before the line! I would overtake him! I would not be last for once!

    Then the assembled parents noticed me. The bastards started cheering me on. The guy in front of me was clearly confused. Looked around. Saw the parents weren't cheering him on. They were looking behind him. He glanced back. Saw me plodding after him. Urged his legs into a lumbering gallumph.

    He beat me.

    I was last again.

    Fuck you for supporting me, you absolute shower of cunts!

    Edit to reflect: I’m 59 and that memory is still clear as a bell in my head. Among other not so great ones…

  • Can anyone explain why?

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  • Don't worry, I'm bringing the average back up again.

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  • CSI Grindr: "It's double digested KFC. Fatal."

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  • Should have eaten moths and worn beans.

  • Lemmy Shitpost @lemmy.world
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    Mur’can kwis… cwiz… cuisun… quizene… fude

  • Super mario world ghost house theme.

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  • What skills did almost everybody have 50 years ago, but few people have today?

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  • I don't think so. Oh, wait, I have a petrol strimmer / bushcutter that has a choke! So, yes!

  • Set them free and let them bask in the fresh air of nature

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  • Far better to kill a drop bear, flay it, and wear its skin like sunblock.

  • My wife came out as gay last night

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  • She told me she still loved me... that she was remorseful about not being compatible in that regard.... I’m not angry with her... It isn’t anyone’s fault.

    You've already vocalised all the important stuff you need, right there.

  • What’s a cheap purchase that’s completely changed your life?

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  • The shoes thing works with expensive dress shoes as well. I knew a guy who wore fairly high end suits and handmade shoes to work. His cobbler told him to always get two pairs and they'll last a lot longer if you alternate them so they get a rest day than if you buy one pair at a time and use them daily.

  • What skills did almost everybody have 50 years ago, but few people have today?

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  • Almost every adult in the UK learns on manual - I've known about three people in my life who learned on automatic and are only licensed to drive automatics - but with the rise of electric cars (and an increase in automatics generally) I wonder if my kids will learn.

    What I never learned, but which my parents did was exactly when and to use the choke on a car. I know fuel injection made chokes unnecessary and I've never driven a car that had one.

  • What skills did almost everybody have 50 years ago, but few people have today?

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  • What skills did almost everybody have 50 years ago, but few people have today?

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  • "You wanna go down Three Oak lane, I forget what its 'proper' name is, but there used to be a farm there called Three Oak Farm, so that's what we all call the lane round here. 'Course the farm's gone. And so have the oaks. Anyway, go along there until you get to the field where the unexploded bomb was found back in '68, and turn right. Then left past the field where the cows got sick last year. If you reach shagger's hill, you've gone too far. Now there's a ford down that way, so you can't miss it. Except, I suppose, in this weather since it hasn't rained in a month and the ford's probably dried up. Most important thing though, you don't want to start from here."

  • What skills did almost everybody have 50 years ago, but few people have today?

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  • You should become a cabbie in London. They all have to memorise 320 routes, 25,000 streets and 20,000 places of interest, e.g. hotels, stations, tourist attractions and so on. It's called The Knowledge. There's some evidence that mastering The Knowledge actually alters the structure of the brain!

  • Mistakes were made

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  • Moon Moon would be more like: "Ima cooshun! Im comfy!"

  • Mistakes were made

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  • God dammit, Moon Moon! Not again!

  • Ask Lemmy @lemmy.world
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    What are your cheap, but not miserable, recipes?

    www.bbc.co.uk /food/recipes/roast_piri-piri_chicken_77808
  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    What breed of dog is magic?

  • Lemmy Shitpost @lemmy.world
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    Revelation!

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    What's the opposite of a Hershey bar?

  • Ask Lemmy @lemmy.world
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    Anyone else live somewhere that has had people joining in a WiFi naming joke?

  • United Kingdom @feddit.uk
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    Keir Starmer to announce plans for digital ID scheme

    www.bbc.co.uk /news/articles/c4g54g6vgpdo
  • Lemmy Shitpost @lemmy.world
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    Everytime I use frozen spinach in a recipe

  • Ask Lemmy @lemmy.world
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    What music do you like to fall asleep to?

  • Lemmy Shitpost @lemmy.world
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    Must be lvl 11 genius

  • Dad Jokes @lemmy.world
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    Important pricing information

  • Lemmy Shitpost @lemmy.world
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    Like a me to a bean!

  • And Finally... @feddit.uk
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    Bargain Hunt expert admits terror offence after sales to 'Hezbollah financier'

    www.bbc.com /news/articles/cdj9wpk2nxjo
  • You can't park there, mate @feddit.uk
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    Tha can't park theer, cock!

  • Community Promo @lemmy.ca
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    Cooking With Fire - Feddit UK

    feddit.uk /c/cooking_with_fire@feddit.uk
  • New Communities @lemmy.world
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    Cooking With Fire - Feddit UK

    feddit.uk /c/cooking_with_fire@feddit.uk
  • [Closed] Moved to !fedigrow@lemmy.zip @lemm.ee
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    Cooking With Fire - Feddit UK

    feddit.uk /c/cooking_with_fire
  • Goth❌Industrial @lemmy.world
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    Leech Woman

  • And Finally... @feddit.uk
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    'Bonkers': Hegseth ridiculed as Enola Gay photos swept up in DEI purge over word 'gay'

    www.rawstory.com /msn/dei/
  • You can't park there, mate @feddit.uk
    Hossenfeffer @feddit.uk

    With apologies for the American commentary and a couple of obvious stunts