Don’t forget about PFAS!

Money may not buy happiness, but it can buy a jetski, and have you ever seen someone look sad on a jetski?

Could they do the thing that airports do with geese, where they get a Labrador to run around and bark at the birds and the birds say, “Ehh… fuck this area” and leave of their own accord?

Ku… Klluuux… Klan?

DO NOT CREATE THE TORMENT NEXUS

I saw a car with these two bumper stickers:

That was a very confusing day for me.

There’s no way in fucking Hell that Trump would willingly stand in the way of a bullet.

There’s no way in fucking Hell that Trump could keep quiet about it if he was actually an active participant in a conspiracy. He’d have tweeted about it by the end of the week.

There’s no way in fucking Hell that the people around Trump could orchestrate an attempted assassination without it blowing up in their faces somehow.

The ear was probably hit by a tiny fleck of glass from a shattered teleprompter, and then with Trump no doubt on blood thinners it would bleed like all get out.

Just keep assuming ever greater stupidity and incompetence all around and you’ll usually arrive at the correct answer as to what happened.

That’s not a bad explanation.

Qui-Gon: Credits will do fine. [while attempting a mind trick]

Watto: No, they won’t.

Qui-Gon: Credits WILL do fine.

Watto: No, they won’t.

Qui-Gon: [Walks down street to money exchanger] Trade me these credits for Hutt bucks [Does mind trick]

Money Exchanger: Okay!

[Qui-Gon returns to Watto]

Qui-Gon: Here’s a pile of Hutt bucks. Sell me a functional hyperdrive.

Watto: Okay!

[Roll credits]

What do you mean?

I assumed that it meant “toast.”

As a baby, my kid had cheeks that would visibly jiggle when we wheeled her stroller down a bumpy driveway.

We would sing a song about her: Fat fat, baby fat-fat. Fatty baby fatty baby, fatty fat-fat. Fatty fat cheeks! Baby fat cheeks! Baby fat, baby fat, fatty fat fat.

She didn’t seem to mind.

Literally this

Homophobes: “We can’t legalize gay marriage! The birth rate would collapse! If men could marry men, then what reasonable man would ever choose to marry a disgusting, weak, woman over a strong, virile, muscular, sweaty, musky, oily, maaaannnnnn…”

The rest of us: Dude. Bro. Dude.

Teddy would never.

A “New York minute” is defined as the time between when the light turns green and when a New York driver will honk their horn at you.

What the fuck is wrong with kids listening to their shitty parents?

/I know a lot of people get raised wrong in households that teach them wrong things and it takes a lot of effort to get better, but… it’s pretty astounding to me to imagine someone listening to their parents tell them that Donald fucking Trump is a Cool Guy.

Or “Push Evangelical Theocracy”