Ah but suicide is a sin. That’s how they get ya

Yeah I hate this expectation that I have to be completely ok with “friends” avoiding me and cancelling plans. I’m not ok with it, it sucks, and if you keep doing it I’ll find new friends.

In the UK our £2 coins have “Standing on the shoulders of giants” written around the rim, to remind us all that no, you wouldn’t have thought of that, you berk.

Don’t whip a horse that’s already sprinting

Where is your hard evidence?

I’m sure you scrolled past plenty of studies that agreed with me when searching for your cherry picked example.

I’ve seen more and more instances of somebody saying they “Googled it” but what they really did is read Google’s AI overview. That’s not the same.

Extremely happy with this one. I understand everyone’s worries about surveillance and all that, and I agree with a lot of it, but I think in this case it’s worth it. Social media is just that bad.

From my own point of view, I hate hate hate Instagram/Facebook/Tiktok. When my kids get to that age I’d be facing a binary choice of either letting them use it or turning them into the “one weird kid in the class who isn’t allowed insta”. Even if this law is only 25% effective, that’s good enough for me. My kids will be in that 25% not using it, and I don’t have to worry about them being social pariahs.

From a wider point of view, social media is severely fucking up the entire world. I think it’s too much for most adults, let alone kids. No way should kids be on there.

I always chat to scammers when they message me. A lot of them ask for Steam cards and I take immense delight in sending them the “I choo choo choose you” card from The Simpsons. Sad that this is coming to an end.

You’re kinda confirming my pet theory that the “I don’t do small talk” people are all cunts

Kids have always been scared of being awkward and not fitting in, but I can understand why the internet has sent it into overdrive for gen Z. I’ve had younger people use “cringe” as an insult at me, but I’m too old for that to affect me. I just feel pity that they’re so scared of being themselves.

On a more positive note, I know a secondary school teacher who got good results out of saying “Well that’s embarrassing” whenever her pupils were being twats.

What about serial killing

Are you saying you wrote a song and Facebook secretly listened in through your phone and gave the song to your favourite band and they released it? Because that sounds like you have serious mental delusions. This does not happen.

Oh shit

You can scran some scran (food)

There actually are things keeping that from happening but I don’t want to get into it

Ur mum

I thought only humans went to heaven. It’s a real can of worms otherwise. Do worms go to heaven? Mosquitos? Bacteria? Viruses?

What makes me sad about heaven is that there must be a cutoff in the monkey -> human evolution chain. What happened to the very first human that met that cutoff? They’ll be in heaven but their parents are too monkey and didn’t make it :(

Well I know what to do if my gardener buddy ever pisses me off