Since you've made this post I came here every day thinking I should really try and find some nice, encouraging words to help you get through this. Then I'd think about my own experiences with depression and remember how there hardly are any words like that, instead a shitload of wrong things to say which are either not helpful or even make it worse. All these "wow thanks I'm cured" kinda things or sentiments like "if I can do it, you can do it too", yikes.
What you've written is in part highly relatable and in other parts a bit like looking into my future, knowing that you're a few steps further down the road of embracing the woman you are. I've done a lot of weed myself to deal with depression and those heavy emotions that I didn't understand back then. It seems to lift a little, now that I've finally realized that gender dysphoria added a whole lot of strain, but there's still a long fight ahead.
For a long time weed has been a pretty useful band-aid, although, it did lose it's usefulness after some years. Of course it's not the most healthy coping strategy, but it's available without waiting for months/years. And it's easy, not like those other things depressed people are expected to do on sheer hope, something which is naturally scarce in depressive episodes. Sure, here are better ways to deal with those problems, but also way worse ways. It's good that you're aware that it's not a permanent solution and are able to look for the help you deserve.
And I hope you'll find it. Am searching for a therapist as well right now, made it to one waiting list and can expect 2-3 years for it to start... It's always been way harder than it should be and since covid it's gotten even worse. Fuck this privatized health care.
If you're up for that, I'll leave a virtual hug. And if you ever feel like reaching out, feel free, I'll do my best to listen and won't judge.
Since you've made this post I came here every day thinking I should really try and find some nice, encouraging words to help you get through this. Then I'd think about my own experiences with depression and remember how there hardly are any words like that, instead a shitload of wrong things to say which are either not helpful or even make it worse. All these "wow thanks I'm cured" kinda things or sentiments like "if I can do it, you can do it too", yikes.
What you've written is in part highly relatable and in other parts a bit like looking into my future, knowing that you're a few steps further down the road of embracing the woman you are. I've done a lot of weed myself to deal with depression and those heavy emotions that I didn't understand back then. It seems to lift a little, now that I've finally realized that gender dysphoria added a whole lot of strain, but there's still a long fight ahead.
For a long time weed has been a pretty useful band-aid, although, it did lose it's usefulness after some years. Of course it's not the most healthy coping strategy, but it's available without waiting for months/years. And it's easy, not like those other things depressed people are expected to do on sheer hope, something which is naturally scarce in depressive episodes. Sure, here are better ways to deal with those problems, but also way worse ways. It's good that you're aware that it's not a permanent solution and are able to look for the help you deserve.
And I hope you'll find it. Am searching for a therapist as well right now, made it to one waiting list and can expect 2-3 years for it to start... It's always been way harder than it should be and since covid it's gotten even worse. Fuck this privatized health care.
If you're up for that, I'll leave a virtual hug. And if you ever feel like reaching out, feel free, I'll do my best to listen and won't judge.