You are just moving goalposts here. None of these scenarios are particularly relevant anyway. Even if the phone shell cracked, the battery casing would be enough to shield from the radiation. And what does throwing the phone in the trash have to do with keeping it in your pocket.
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Just stop buying bagged teas, that was always the real scam anyway. Look into local tea shops / cafes and buy loose leaf teas. They will be fresher, and a lot more flavourful.