Well they’re not just gonna discard the extra tube.

You want a genital tube, you’re gonna have to be happy with a butthole tube, or just one really long genital tube.

Yeah I’m trying to think how you would “fix” this. Maybe put a faux-building around the tubes so you’re sliding down a toppling skyscraper?

Kong Ko-Ko Kong Ko-Kong Ko-Kong Titty Titty (repeat)

Captain’s Cheese Log

✅ = 👦🧒🤳📲

✅ = 🥱👌👈😒
❌ = 😩🍑🍆😤

if you don’t step the fuck back this quartz is gonna be a rose quartz. 😤

Yeah they’re expensive, but again not a subscription!

“Hey my rock isn’t reducing my stress.” “Oooooh, what is that the 2025 model? Yeah that’s no good for 2026 stress, you need the new geode.”

A while back you’d have caught edgy atheist phony-god me being like “crystals are bullshit, I ain’t buying that!” but these days I look at them and am like, “hmmm, it’s not a subscription, and worst case scenario I have a cool rock on my desk… sold!”

history is written by the victors, as they say; perhaps jesus was a piece of shit and his legacy was slowly shifted from being a piece of shit to what we know him as today. and all the early wars people had in religions he was a component in were actually in part to find and destroy any records saying otherwise.

as /s as OP, yes

Anytime I’d make eye contact with a cop car I get pulled over.

I’ve learned it’s much easier to just release the caltrops and flip ‘em off if I see anything ski-rack-ish on top.

anyways g2g. court summons.

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I just mean the old cars in an upper class neighborhood are less likely to be driven by poor people while still being vulnerable to this siphoning because yes, sadly newer cars have meshes or locking mechanisms to deter gas siphoning.

But I mean if there’s bigotry stickers on the car by all means go whole ham no matter where it’s parked. Hell stick a lentil in the tire valve caps while you’re at it.

Do it in an upper class neighborhood at least.

Older cars are the only ones susceptible to this, and those aren’t generally driven by the types of people who can easily afford more gas.

I remember when the first Surface released and Gabe from Penny Arcade was like “wtf this is better than iPad for drawing. why aren’t they advertising this aspect of it?”

I don’t know if that’s still true, but I always tucked it in the back of my mind when I was looking for drawing tablets.

23andme taught me I was part Ashkenazi, but in hindsight I probably should’ve picked up on that having been raised on Mel Brooks, The Three Stooges, Stan Freberg, The Marx Brothers, grandpa’s really being into matzo ball soup, and us having the menorah out during the holidays.

…oh right, and being circumcised.

Anyways, $200 I didn’t need to spend. I hope the clone Doug armies of the future will forgive me.

Time to pull out the power loader then.

my worm, it’s attractedddddddddd! NNNNNNGH. SPICE MY DUNES.

Flow that spice right into my b-hole nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh