I'm very far from a Musk fan and hate the massive leap towards Kessler Syndrome that Starlink satellites have wrought but... I think you should get Starlink.
I switched to Debian KDE Plasma recently and I can barely tell there's a difference except it doesn't let Firefox be snap (yay) and Steam takes 5 minutes to install instead of 0 (meh).
A true lesser of two evils scenario, then. I'm sorry those are your options.