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DaniNatrix

@ DaniNatrix @leminal.space

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Comments
33
Joined
1 yr. ago

  • Why do you personally hate Christmas?

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  • Christmas is just no fun for me. I get that it is (apparently) for other people and I don't begrudge them that but, as a childfree 40 something non-religious queer woman, I think it's kinda lame lol. I do love having time off from work though, so that's cool.

    Obligatory gift giving is not at all my thing. I love getting thoughtful gifts for folks and I'm generous by nature, however, I don't care for being strong armed into it by arbitrary convention. I wish the emphasis was on charity rather than consumption and all the time, not just for a few performative weeks.

    The commercialized religiosity of the holiday in the US gets increasingly grating for me. The narratives around the traditions are tired. It feels like being shouted at for months. I prefer the pagan roots of the thing and try to ignore the vulgarity of the current interpretation.

    I like the idea of mailing gifts so that the recipient gets a fun surprise and the comfort of opening it in their own space, and on their own time, without an audience. So I just mail out fun little things, sometimes homemade, sometimes purchased, throughout the entire year to my loved ones and make no specific effort at Christmas time. Like, a Christmas present is all well and good, but it's also quite predictable. A gift that shows up on March 12th for no reason other than you're awesome and I love you feels much more thoughtful to me.

  • Which of your most fucked up exes tried to come back to your life in the most fucked up way?

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  • My mentally ill ex husband, who kept a heroin and serial cheating habit quiet for over a year before I put the pieces together and kicked him out, created a website to make it look like he'd started a successful company and sent it to my friends and family members asking them to forward it to me since I had successfully blocked any form of direct contact with me.

    It was pretty sad. You could tell that it was hastily thrown together, probably while he was high/manic. It also resulted in a large chunk of the people he initially sent it to blocking him as well, which likely increased his isolation etc.

    Word to the wise, friends, you cannot save people from themselves, no matter how much you want to or how hard you try. Not everyone with mental illness and/or addiction issues will treat you badly, but, if they are not actively pursuing help on their own, there's not much to be done. Life is short, don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

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    A question for those who have a partner, how did you manage to do it and how long did it take?

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  • I was living with my friend and her husband at the time. Her husband brought his boss over to the house to look at a truck or something, I can't remember. According to him, he fell hard and fast. I was skittish after having been through an abusive marriage and protracted divorce and took things very slowly. He was patient and so very kind and here we are, five years later, married and fixing up a house with a couple crazy dogs.

    So, I didn't "do" anything, so to speak, we just showed up in each other's lives one day and happened to have shared values, interests, and attraction to each other. I know that's not a satisfying answer. A lot of couples I know met through mutual friends, for what it's worth.

  • [OC] cow

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  • cow!

  • Have you done anything you're proud of lately?

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  • My mother died from cancer three weeks ago. I held her face and stroked her hair as she passed away. I whispered to her the entire time, I told her that she'd done a great job, that she was loved and safe and that I hoped she had an easy journey. It's a transformative thing to watch someone you love take their last breath. Hardest thing I've ever done and I'm proud and honored that I was able to bear witness to her transition out of this life. Heartbroken and shattered, but also proud. Fuck cancer.

  • How do you respond to unwanted advice?

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  • I get a little triggered by unsolicited advice as I'm a survivor of narcissistic abuse and, for me personally, it was weaponized as a means of control, destructive criticism, manipulation etc. In general, I tend to take it as a sign that whoever is giving it isn't a good fit for me in a friendship/relationship paradigm. In personal relationships, I find it is almost always intrusive, disrespectful, and/or harmful to the relational bond.

    However, a professional context can be different. Unsolicited advice from a manager could be an attempt at coaching/mentoring and I would give it consideration. If it's coming from a coworker in my field with more experience than me, who I also respect, same response as above. A coworker in an unrelated department who I don't respect? Ignore advice and make an internal note that they are likely not my kind of people.

  • But you never gave us cause for worry

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  • My diagnosis is simply dismissed. Neither of my parents, now in their 60s and 70s, believe it. They think I'm making it up for attention. I'm 43...I've kind of just given up at this point. I could show them my chart and it would make zero difference. Don't get me wrong, I love them and all that, there's just large parts of who I am that they blatantly refuse to accept. I can't be queer, I can't have adhd, etc. It saddens me a bit sometimes.

  • Scaredy Cat

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  • I love this.

  • Assemblies of God churches shielded accused predators — and allowed them to keep abusing children

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  • Was raised in an AofG church until around 12 when my parents abruptly switched to the Catholic church. Altar calls, Jesus camp every summer, youth ministry, speaking in tongues etc. I've spent countless hours in therapy unpacking the religious trauma, not only from being raised in it, but from the familial backlash when I walked away from religion entirely.

    These places are cesspools of hypocrisy, hatred, and abuse. Despite all the work and healing I've done around it, I'm still quietly triggered by this brand of Christianity in particular and any brand of evangelism in general. I distrust anyone who identifies as a member, it's an immediate repulsion for me.

    I work with some folks who are deep into these types of churches and it takes all my grit to maintain composure when they say shit that I instantly recognize as on brand. It disturbs me that countless children are exposed to the ignorance, brainwashing, and blind hatred that are integral to these groups.

  • How do y'all feel joy without alcohol or weed?

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  • It's a great question, I don't know if there was one main driver. I think I'd hit a wall in a way. I was tired of spending the money, the time, tired of the repetitive necessity of needing something to feel ok. Also, I had some house projects piling up. It was way easier to come home and smoke and do nothing so nothing was getting done. I guess I hit a sort of rock bottom of motivation and general exhaustion.

    The first two weeks or so were really hard, not gonna sugar coat that truth, it truly did suck. It also took over a month to get back to somewhat decent sleep without assistance. I used valerian root and magnisum oil to get me through that first month and a half.

    I focused on a lot of self-care, tried to eat really nutritious food, went for walks, started a daily journaling practice to try and quiet the mind. Used the supplements to get the best rest I could and tried to cultivate the patience I'd figured I'd need. Cliché I know, but I really did try to take it one day at a time.

    I wish I had a better answer, maybe it was just time for me. Like I said, everyone is different and I'm no prophet of sobriety or anything. It just happened to turn out that sobriety works best for me and my mind. The freedom is my favorite part though, I can just go about my life without needing something or planning around something, sounds silly but it's such a relief for me. I can just be.

  • How do y'all feel joy without alcohol or weed?

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  • Was a daily smoker for almost two decades and would defend my usage to anyone who suggested it could be a source of discontent in my life. I kicked the booze habit 10 years ago, kicked nicotine a few years after that, but held onto bud for a long time.

    I'm almost 4 months sober now from thc and, while the first 1.5 months were shit cause of sleep issues and general system regulation, I'm so happy to be on the other side of it. It started out as tea break, I had some projects I kept putting off and thought I could reset my tolerance and get some motivation at the same time. But now that I'm several months deep, I'm not going back. My life has improved so much, in both minor and major ways.

    Every person is different and it's not my place to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do regarding substance intake. All I can say is, as someone who was dedicated to a substance supported existence for the majority of my adult life, I am definitely, without a doubt, my best self as a sober human.

  • What is your opinion on ghosting?

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  • I've always associated the term with the online dating arena. However, I've lost touch with people after moving cities, or having various life changes occur (sobriety etc.), is that ghosting? I've had to go no contact with a few ex partners and friends for mental health and safety purposes, is that ghosting? I have adhd inattentive and occasionally respond in my head to a text message but unintentionally fail to respond in actuality, is that ghosting?

    The definition seems to depend on the recipient to a large degree. A lot of folks here are saying "you have to communicate or it's cruel/cowardly/sociopathic"(yikes to that last one btw). Well, I recently had to end a friendship and I communicated to them, as kindly and as clearly as I could, that things had run their course. I did not ignore them or suddenly cut them off, I communicated. They didn't like what I had to say, and went a little bonkers, so I blocked them and now their story is that I ghosted them. Idk, it seems to be a slippery term in my experience.

    I've never felt offended by someone losing touch with me or by getting busy with life etc. Life happens, things and people change, it seems natural to me that a lot of relationships have expiration dates to various degrees. The only times I've had people aburptly end communication with me was when I'd said or done something egregious and I don't fault them for it. That only happened back in my drinking days, I've not had it happen since getting sober ten years ago. In my experience, which is by no means universal, if someone abruptly cuts you off, it may be time to take a step back and examine your behavior and/or expectations. And if it turns out they were just a shit person, then let them ghost, good riddance.

  • There was no need to ever improve upon THIS

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  • I love my Fit, it's a 2012 and a manual transmission, I will drive it for as long as I possibly can.

  • Anyone else not watch movies or TV shows?

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  • I "watch" history documentaries on YouTube while I do chores but that's about it. We don't even have a TV in the downstairs of our house, though my husband has one in his office for gaming. I'm a book worm and prefer books and podcasts. I do love playing some Skyrim or COD Zombies etc., mostly in the winter though, nice weather=yard work or gardening projects.

    For any fellow history nerds out there, People's Profiles on YouTube is one of my favorites. Long form, contains imagery but no reenactments, it is essentially a podcast with decoration, and they even group together biographies into massive 4 hour+ videos for those "omg, this is gonna take me forever" cleaning/house projects.

  • Introverts of our era spend their time on their computers, but what did introverts do before? Like when literacy rates were lower (pre-1950s)? Or before the printing press?

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  • Feeling blessed that this is basically my life, except I do have to go to pesky work Mon-Fri. And work is work, I'd always rather be home, but in the grand scheme of jobs, I have one where I'm challenged and get to learn new things with a decent group of humans on my team and good work/life balance so, yeah, feeling blessed for sure.

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    Permanently Deleted

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  • About to be 43 and more grateful every year that my partner and I are childfree. I like hanging out with my friend's kids occasionally, they can be funny tiny humans, but I hit a limit quickly and we invariably share a sigh of relief once we're in the car on our way home.

    I'm also grateful that there are folks who love kids and are great, involved parents to them. I'm in awe of my friend's ability to be the mom she is and I appreciate her efforts to better the collective group of humanity by two. Even more grateful that I was free to make a different choice. It takes all kinds, ya know? And kids benefit from unofficial "aunties", I think.

  • Caw caw

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  • My heebs! They jeeb!

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    Did anyone else not even know who Charlie Kirk was!?

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  • I literally had no idea who he was until the campus videos of the shooting hit Lemmy. I'm in the US but don't regularly follow US media sources because gestures vaguely. Lemmy is also my only social media at this point, everything else has been deleted, so when something pops up here, I go digging through the Guardian or El Pais to get an idea of what's going on.

    I will say, I had the absolute delight of taking all the wind out of my deeply religious and conservative coworkers sails by innocently asking, "who's Charlie Kirk?", when they were discussing a moment of silence idea and a poem one of them wrote about him. Of course I knew who he was at that point, but I enjoy being an agent of chaos in a small southern town lol (send help!).

  • Non-single people, how long have you been with your S/O?

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  • 5 years! We're not really sure of the exact date cause ADHD² lol we go with October cause shopping for Halloween decorations was our first date 🎃