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Canopyflyer

@ Canopyflyer @lemmy.world

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Joined
3 yr. ago

  • The longer I'm alive, the more I feel that people make things complicated to feel important.

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  • Sometimes the complication is a smoke screen too.

    Case in point... I picked up a contract to be the corporate Change Manager for a manufacturing company just before COVID. It's the type of company that makes appliances and other things that are destined for the garbage pile. Not really anything of note.

    The guy I was taking over for had put in his notice and was moving on and had 2 days to train me. Fortunately, the ITIL system they used was ServiceNow, which I already had a lot of experience with. He got to the monthly report and in his own words he called the method of generating it "byzantine" and it was a horrible process that took almost an entire day to finish. Fortunately, he gave me step by step instructions that were accurate.

    Side note, the process for generating came from my boss. She was one of these people that had just enough intelligence to be dangerous. Yeah, this contract was a fun one.

    So I used my decades of reporting experience and broke down how all the reports were generated. It turned out that the Director had never really learned how to use Pivot tables and that was why there were dozens of steps in generating about 7 different reports. I took about two days to write an Excel spreadsheet (because SNOW Reporting was not capable of generating some of these reports) and automated the entire thing. I ran the original process concurrently with my new spreadsheet for another month and they both generated the exact same numbers, I canned the old process.

    But I did NOT tell a soul about it. Everyone, including my boss, thought I was still taking a full day to generate those stupid reports, when I was actually doing it in 5 minutes. 4 of which were waiting for ServiceNow to run its report and download it into a CSV file.

    Oh I had tried to let my boss know that I had made myself a lot more efficient, she just got angry and actually yelled at me for a couple of minutes, then she promptly forgot about it. So I just kept it to myself after that. My plan was to just pass on the old process to the next poor schmuck to get this contract, but instead the reporting part of it was handed over to someone I actually liked. She told me flat out when she found out she was taking the Change Reporting piece that she was terrified of that process. So I had her sit with me at my desk and showed her the new spreadsheet. You would have thought I bought her a puppy.

    So sometimes the complications in the business world are defense mechanisms for people's time.

  • What tourist destinations do you think are NOT overrated?

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  • Kauai and Maui. Only two Hawaiian island I've been to. Kauai if you want scenic hikes and Allerton Gardens is a must see. Maui if you want great food.

    Door County Wisconsin and associated Washington Island when the lavender fields are in bloom.

    House on the Rock in Spring Green Wisconsin. I don't care how far away you live, you should see this place. It's either a monument to a man's ascent to brilliance... Or of his decent into madness. Words really cannot do this place justice, it's just insane.

    Red River Gorge, Kentucky. One of the greatest concentrations of natural bridges and arches in the world. I have spent years hiking in and around this area and still don't think I've seen all the arches. Come with your hiking boots and be prepared for moderate to difficult hikes that can include some climbing.

    Banff Canada: Took a ski trip to that area back in 1999. It's an absolutely spectacular area. Lake Louise is still my favorite place to ski after all these years.

  • What's your favorite band?

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  • My favorite band is that awesome trio from Toronto...

    Triumph.

    Slowly exits stage left.

  • Can you touch type?

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  • The ONE class from High School that taught me something I literally use every single day.

    Typing.

    I graduated High School in 1988 and have used a keyboard almost every single day and can touch type with alacrity. As far as what layout, QWERTY.

    While Dvorak is supposed to be faster and more efficient, I'm an old IT guy and not a typist. While some of my work does include writing presentations and reports, I'm doing more punching commands and using short cuts. It's just not worth the effort to learn another layout.

  • How did you learn to cook?

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  • Back in 2009 our youngest was born and I had lost my job due to the economic downturn. My wife was the cook at the time, but was also the sole bread winner as well.

    I had some basic skills in the kitchen, but really could not say I could cook. My wife was a great cook. However, it did not make any sense for her to work a 12 hour day and come home to cook. When I had been home with the baby and our older son all day.

    So I had her teach me what she knew. Mainly it involved in how to read recipes. Learning the difference between a TSP and Tbsp and those types of things. While I would not say I have a talent for cooking, I did have a penchant for it. That lead me to cooking almost every day and discovering that a lot of getting good at cooking is practicing cooking techniques.

    Fast forward to today and I've been a hobbyist cook for 17 years. I can confidently open any cookbook to any page and at least competently make that recipe, if not put restaurant quality meal on the table.

    Am I as good as professional cook or chef? Oh hell no. I'm a home cook... A great home cook, but still a home cook. I'd probably be lost in a professional kitchen.

  • What’s the most unhinged thing someone’s ever told you?

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  • Christmas about 4 years ago, my brother went completely around the bend.

    His house was the place for our family, my sister-in-law's family and some family friends to meet for Christmas. Just before Christmas that year he started texting me about Rittenhouse and how he admire the guy for defending himself. Fast forward to when we were at his house, he would only talk about how important the 2nd amendment was, how he admired Rittenhouse, and to top off the shit cake he admitted to being member of the Oathfuckers, breakers.... Whatever those fucking idiots call themselves.

    He was aggressive about how his worldview was correct and that I did not know what I was talking about. He had been ramping up his power plays over me the past couple of years and I just let it go to wait to see what his "big" play was going to be. Apparently this was it. He even attempted to rewrite family history as well. We had a paternal uncle that died in the Battle of Leyte gulf and I knew well the family history and did a bit of research on my own to discover what really happened to him. World War II records are not exactly state secrets any longer. Well, because my brother was a big wig at the Veteran's Administration and had all kinds of government clearances yada yada yada, HE had the real scoop, which conflicted somewhat with what I had read.

    My god you would have thought I shot his dog he was so pissed when I attempted to speak about what I had learned. To this day I don't know what his play there was, it was just utterly bizarre.

    His final power play was he TOLD me, not asked, but TOLD me he was going to teach my two boys about guns and how to shoot. I had to tell him FOUR FUCKING TIMES that NO, HE wasn't teaching my kids shit about weapons.

    My wife works in Pediatrics... That's not going to fly. Not to mention I've already given them instruction on how to handle firearms in case they come across them for what ever reason. They can pick a gun up, check the safety and clear the chamber of both automatics and revolvers. Sure, they may not be able to shoot the dick off a fly at 400 billion yards, or strip clean and reassemble a 1911 in under 3 seconds blind folded, under water with depth charges going off less than 6 inches away while humming the "Battle Hymn of the Republic". But they can keep themselves and those around them safe.

    Needless to say that was when I punched the big red button and went nuclear on our relationship. Our father died about 2 years after the above event and I had not been in contact with my brother, or my Dad. Dad was being taken care of by this brother, so when I cut that relationship, so did my relationship with my Dad... Which honestly his attitude was going much the same direction anyway. I didn't even go to Dad's funeral... Which was completely bizarre.

    You see our Dad was in the Navy for 4 years back in the 1950's. Dad talked about that time and he seemed to have liked his time in the Navy, but it just something he did to get out of his small hometown in West Virginia. It was never a career goal and he spent his entire time as a medic. To see my Dad's funeral you would have thought that his entire life was spent in the military. My brother made it an entirely military funeral with troops, 21 shots and the whole thing. I understand the military does this for all veterans and I don't have a problem with it, except my Dad didn't identify as being a military person AT ALL. He was in the Navy 70 years prior and while he would tell stories and use his medic training on occasion, it was never a part of his personality.

    Needless to say I'm very glad I live 400 miles away from what is left of my original immediate family. I miss my sister-in-law as she is a very sweet and caring person and their son. I really wanted my boys to know their cousin.... Oh well.

  • What advice or tips do you have which sound like nonsense but really work?

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  • That's true!

    It's the reason why you tend to sneeze after coming out from watching a movie and it's still light outside. From what I have read, it's a reflex to give your eyes time to adjust to the brighter lighting conditions.

  • What's your most unbelievable (but true) personal story?

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  • Similar here. Our second was scheduled for induction and he decided to come 2 weeks earlier than that!

    Side story on the birth of our first. My wife's OB/Gyn actually made it to the delivery. When she entered my wife asked her if she could have an epidural... The OB/Gyn replied; "You're going to have a baby, not an epidural." My wife was too far along and getting an epidural might have set things back. So yeah, she delivered our first old school.

    Our second there was enough time for an epidural, but the anesthesiologist had a heck of time getting the needle in. He shook his head and said if it doesn't go in this time I need to stop... Fortunately he was able to hit the right spot, so her second delivery was a lot easier.

  • What advice or tips do you have which sound like nonsense but really work?

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  • If someone is about to sneeze, wait until they begin to inhale and say something unexpected to them and it will stop them from sneezing.

    I told this to my wife and she scoffed and didn't believe me. One day her allergies were kicking up and she started to sneeze. I waited for the right moment and said "GRAPEFRUIT" to her and... She didn't sneeze.

    The secret is timing it correctly.

  • US electrical q:my 240v reads only 190v

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  • Power delivered to homes in the US is Split Phase. Meaning the distribution transformer was wired to a single distribution phase and it is center tapped. So you would get 120vac A to center, or B to center, but 240ac from A to B.

    If it was 2 phase they would be 120 degrees out of sync and would deliver 208vac.

  • What's your most unbelievable (but true) personal story?

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  • This is awesome.

    It very nearly happened to me as well with our first. My wife went into labor around 1am and she felt things were going quickly. Triage just told her to take a bath and take it easy as it could be hours. She woke me up around 4am and said we need to go. We get in the car and make it to the hospital. The triage nurse was really dismissive of my wife... That is until she examined her... My wife was fully dilated and effaced. Our little boy was born 45 minutes later. He is 18 and in college now.

  • In a blind test, audiophiles couldn't tell the difference between audio signals sent through copper wire, a banana, or wet mud — 'The mud should sound perfectly awful, but it doesn't'

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  • That's why I consider myself an "Audio Enthusiast".

    Good audio reproduction rooted in science and empirical evidence. Do I think a Carver TFM-15cb sounds different and even a bit better than a McIntosh MC7108?

    Yes I do.... Why?

    Because I have both amplifiers sitting in the same rack and have A/B'd them extensively. Honestly, the Carver's build quality is utter crap. Barely above what you buy in a box store, but damn does it sound nice. I use the McIntosh exclusively because it's just a better piece of equipment, even though it doesn't have those 2nd order harmonics that the Carver is tuned for.

  • What's the stupidest thing someone has ever done in front of you?

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  • This was back at my home dropzone. The DZ owner actually owned the entire airport and the land it sat on. To help offset the cost he rented out the parts of the property to local farmers to grow crops. That year there was corn, really really tall corn as it was a wet year that bordered the north side of the landing area.

    Not a big deal as the landing area was very large. Well, one of the local Skygods (idiot that thinks they're cool, but they're just an idiot and has an attitude about it) thought that it would be fun to do a hook turn in to the corn...

    For those of you that have been in corn fields, yes you are guessing correctly on what happened next.

    You see, do such a low and aggressive turn under a parachute generates a LOT of speed and he generated that speed... So he goes out over the corn, hooks the parachute dives into the corn. Those of us watching were highly entertained seeing a parachute traveling just above the tassels of the corn at a high rate of speed for an impressive distance. The guy burst out of the corn field onto the landing area rolling head over heels and came to a stop in a quivering lump.

    He had multiple lacerations, contusions, and his gear was in such bad shape he had to send it back to the respective manufacturers for repair.

    He never jumped there again and I'm not sure he ever went back to skydiving. Probably for the best.

  • Where do people search for used cars?

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  • As someone that just bought two cars:

    Autotempest.com

    It's an aggregator for used car sites such as Cars.com, autotrader.com, ebay.com and a couple of others. It has a pretty decent set of filters that works on all the aggregated sites.

  • What are your favourite jokes and puns?

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  • What do you get after 16 sodium atoms?

    BATMAN!

    I was once asked if sodium was my favorite element. I replied: "Na".

    What’s 6.022e23 avocados equal?

    1 guacaMOLE

  • New Dishwashers that aren't junk (America)?

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  • The only dishwasher made by a high end manufacturer is COVE. Which is owned by Wolf/ Sub Zero.

    Wolf is the absolute best in regards to cooking. I own a DF304 and love it.

    Sub Zero is good, but requires some maintenance to keep in tip top shape.

    Cove... Sucks at this point in time. It cleans well, but there have been some reliability issues with the brand.

    Source: I live about 4 miles from the Wolf headquarters in Wisconsin and personally know several people on their engineering staff.

  • Whats your favorite bad joke?

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  • Two men walk into a bar.

    The third man ducked.

  • What fictional animal do you think would be the most delicious?

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  • Tauntaun, but it has to be served lukewarm.

  • Draw!

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  • I am unable due to having signed an NDA.

    But let's just say the world is still here. You're welcome.