Obviously nobody wants to brag about being a jobless nerd who posts on social media all day.

Because ceiling cat watches on HIS terms

Larry is the only one who makes me worried about where my wife goes at night.

Am I the only one here who while peeing, flushes the toilet and tries to race it as it goes down?

Tell us what the free gift was you fuck.

You know what you did.

Doctor Who fans in a nutshell.

Don’t @ me.

Thanks for updating it.

Thank you.

Low quality ass jpegs in 2024 should be a war crime.

Geebo stole my cat and made me take feet pictures to get him back.

Where do I get the rat slippers?

Asking for a friend.

Having sex with older women shouldn’t be frowned upon, and I highly recommend it to anyone who’s on the fence about it.

My younger cousin once came back from a fishing trip at a local pond in Nebraska and kept talking about the butt fish and how its face looked like a butt. So you’d ask him what he meant and what did it look like, and then he’d drop his pants and moon you and run away.

His name was Garrett, and now he’s married and took over the family ranch. I wonder how his wife puts up with him.

Sour grapes Brit confirmed

Dead bedroom confirmed

Where can I buy a cone costume?

Bone Tomahawk had a VERY short checklist to meet.

• Someone gets scalped with a bone Tomahawk

And BOY did they deliver and more.

I’m gonna put “quotes” wherever I “damn” well please

You’re not my “real” dad

My grandfather owned a farmhouse out in Nebraska, and we’d go out to the “crick” and wade around in leech infested waters and get bit by mosquitos until sundown. Then we’d pick ticks off the farm dog and dread going to the bathroom because he had a rule “if it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down”

He also ran a nudist colony in the desert in California during the winter months. Interesting man.

I got into an argument with a coworker over whether or not Grover qualifies as a sex icon. Everyone agrees that Gonzo is, but Grover was much more divisive.

At least you outlived the Dreamcast