Creator of LULs (a script which helps links to point to your instance)
Come say hi here or over at https://twitch.tv/AzzuriteTV :) I like getting to know more people :)
Play games with me: https://steamcommunity.com/id/azzu
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he was sort of always pushing her daily.
This is exactly what it sounded like. Glad you've got this information, now I've got more things to say.
What he's doing comes from a perfectly nice and helpful place. He actually sees her behavior hurt herself and wants to help her hurt less.
But you should never "help" someone in this way. It's the worst thing he can possibly do, it actually only makes things worse.
The only way you can help people is by being there for them and assisting them on their own path. In other words, the only way you can be a positive force is by letting them do whatever the fuck they want, and helping them with that. If "whatever the fuck they want" does not include "getting out of the depression" and "getting rid of anxiety", then there's literally nothing you can do. If you try to get them to do actions that you think might be good for them, even if they actually were good for them if they wanted to do them, if they don't want to do them by themselves all you're doing is just making them feel worse for "being wrong".
It might even be the case that she wants to get out of depression or get rid of her anxiety, but she's taking the wrong actions for it. And he may be trying to get her to do "better actions", that actually accomplish what was set out to do. Even that doesn't work. She has to get to the "better actions" herself. You can maybe ask questions, or point out that the "current action" doesn't seem to be working, but the idea to change her actions has to come from herself.
That is the only way people change. People change by their own will, or they don't. As another person, you can basically just be with them and watch. Anything much more and you're starting to fuck things up more instead of help.
but told me she won’t do anything if he doesn’t stay on about it until it’s done
Then she should be doing nothing. He should be doing his own thing. She either comes out of it by herself, or doesn't. "Staying on about it" gets things done, but it also makes them both more miserable.
I can actually perfectly answer your question on how you would describe yourself. And it's literally impossible for anyone to argue with me.
You would describe yourself as « Je suis né au Chili mais je réside à France maintenant. »
I see, makes sense :) interesting and lovely to hear.
How was your day?
Where am I "grilling them"? I'm just asking about their motivation. Is that wrong?
I don't know the app, but if they're literally harassing you, this might also just be someone with two accounts talking with themselves.
If they're different people... "Friends" is just a label. It means "people being friendly with each other, helping each other out in a mutually beneficial relationship, not sexually involved". The "not sexually involved" part is usually implied because if they were sexually involved, you'd call them something else, "partners" or "fuck buddy" or similar. But if someone is sexually open, not doing the standard "partnership/relationship" thing often or at all, then they might just drop the additional description of "friend" to have the property "not sexually involved". It is literally called "friend with benefits" often. So yes, "friends", however someone defines that label, may include talking like this.
What you're really asking is "in usual society, do friends usually talk like this?", to which the answer is no. But you're also implying that friends talking like this, or someone having a slightly different definition of "friend", is somehow a bad thing ("gross"). Which it is not, in a consensual relationship, anything goes. The bad thing is the "harassing you" part. There is no need for you to socially shame their sexual behavior by calling it publicly "gross", the "harassing you" part is already shameful enough. I would focus on your boundaries and enforcing them, you are fully in your right to do that, and not focus on their behavior with other people.
I definitely don't believe that last statement. People don't just randomly do things without getting something out of it.
But you actually answered me, what you're getting out of it is the possibility of making other people feel good/better, the thought of which makes you feel good. That is what you're getting out of it. You said "it feels a bit nice yknow".
Why do you say you're getting something out of it ("feels a bit nice") and then at the same time say "I'm not gaining anything"? This is a direct contradiction.
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Just because this is not literally the most important thing, doesn't mean the relationship is necessarily doomed.
But one thing I believe very strongly is that a relationship only works when both people are fine with leaving each other under certain circumstances. If leaving is such a big hurdle that you accept lots of misery instead of it, something is fucked. That's why I hate marriage and the whole "until death do us part" thinking. If you can't leave someone, you're basically saying "I'm fine with you doing the most horrible things to me". Leaving should always theoretically be on the table. People treat leaving or the end of a relationship as this super horrible thing, but in actuality everyone knows that sometimes it's absolutely the right course of action.
To me, it doesn't seem like their relationship necessarily needs to come to an end. From what you have said of course. With more details, this might change. But I can still see lots of paths that could lead to them staying together.
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If it was my friend, I would ask him what he would do if he was absolutely sure that his wife will never change. And then tell him that this is what he should do, because 1. in my opinion it is toxic to be in a relationship and expect the other person to change and 2. her not changing is the most likely outcome, people do change, but they always resist it very much, and often that resistance is too great.
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I'm pretty sure I didn't misunderstand the words. You literally said "no other advice matters". I.e. this is the only thing that's important. That's quite clearly false, you just admitted it yourself.
It is actually possible to resolve without this. There's so many resolutions that don't involve both parties agreeing.
Very good, played Terraria the whole day with my main partner, had good sex, and ate well.
Why are you asking? Like what does it give you? You don't know me or mostly anyone here personally, right? Why are you invested/interested in the minutiae of our day-to-day lives? (I'm not saying it's bad, just very unusual, which is why I'm asking)
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lol, both parties agreeing does mostly nothing. It's a nice step, and maybe even necessary for them to stay together, but with "no other advice matters", you vastly overstate how important this realization is. You can easily agree on this and everything can not work out anyway.
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There is 2 ways really: your friend needs to leave, or he needs to be fine with the imbalance, winding down as much as is necessary.
She's not going to change unless things stop working for her. It's a simple reality of the human mind. That doesn't mean it's guaranteed she will change, she might not.
Option 1, the real threat of him leaving will cause huge issues within her. She will either change to keep him, or fall into more misery. Both are very possible.
Option 2, him stopping to care, and (likely) toning down his involvement is the harder option for him. With toning down I mean, maybe just cook for himself, maybe just clean whatever is absolutely important to him and his own dirt, masturbate more, do less "relationship thinking". Do everything necessary down to a level that he is actually comfortable with. You can actually be completely fine in an uneven relationship, it's mostly a mindset thing. Of course being with someone else might be better, which is leaving again. I'm poly, so I've got that covered anyway, they seem monogamous, so no other people to fill the gaps without leaving, in my relationships everyone does just as much as they want and gets everything else they need from other people, which works perfectly. But that is likely not an option here.So yeah, him toning down his involvement will also result in missing comfort for her (like leaving would, option 1), which will either cause her to change to more even involvement, or feel even more bad and lead to option 1 again.
Your friend can't control what his wife does. He can only control what he does and get comfortable with how his wife is. In my opinion, this whole situation from what you said is pretty much his fault, and not hers, as you've said this inequality has been like this from the beginning. He knew what he was getting into, she doesn't seem to have misled him or changed majorly. He should've either never entered/deepened this relationship or have been truly fine with the inequality, if he was, there would be no problems now.
For someone saying karma doesn't mean anything you're sure farming lots of it! Making good comments and shit worthy of upvotes! You're quite a terrible hypocrite!
Just wanna echo everyone more crassly: it doesn't fucking matter. Thinking of being trans/any label is just for you to feel comfortable with and maaaybe communicate your experience more succinctly to others. So if you feel it describes you, use it for yourself, if not, don't. If anyone is giving you trouble for "appropriation", fuck them (or maybe don't), that's their issue and not yours.
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It's quite simple really, in my opinion:
There's all kinds of bullshit involved in traditional dating. Asking someone out can be a definite social "faux pas". I know this personally because I asked someone out and they were like "ew" and then told their friends "I can't believe that guy would ask me out, do you believe that? Hahaha let's all laugh at him". Obviously they are shitty people, but it's a definite issue. This was an extreme example, but there's more like it (also personally experienced, but no need for more boring personal anecdotes), even just relatively simple ones like women being annoyed at being asked out so much.
Along come dating apps. This is an extremely convenient way to meet people, and mainly because of one thing: everyone there is fine with being asked out and being sexual. That's literally the purpose why everyone is there. All the bullshit I talked about basically vanishes. They obviously come with their own problems, everyone knows about them, but it just can't be denied that they're extremely convenient, take a lot of pressure/fear out of the whole process.
Along with public spaces dying, everything becoming more impersonal, the gap of still the same desire of closeness needs to be filled by some other way of meeting people.
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Sure, I'm not unreasonable. I hate against exclusives, because I'm sure it'd be better without them, but Nintendo is not entirely terrible. It's never completely black & white.
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Yes but can you really know that Bayonetta would not have been made without exclusives? Maybe if exclusives didn't exist Bayonetta would've just secured funding some other way. You can't know that now anymore, because that's not what happened, but it's not entirely unreasonable to believe that Bayonetta could have turned to other funding sources, if the situation was different at the time.
True, but also, C and C++ is steadily being replaced and really only keeps being used because of existing tooling, processes, and skillsets, not because it's actually better than Rust or similar. And yeah, agree with JS+Python. My statement definitely was hyperbole :D
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You for some reason assume that games would not have existed if not for being exclusive. But you do not actually know that. Yes, exclusive games do exist. But also quite obviously non-exclusive games exist. It is obviously possible to get games funded without being exclusive.
It is impossible to predict the future, or similarly, predict alternative versions of the past. I do not claim to know for sure that the same amount of games would exist without exclusivity. But since non-exclusive games are possible, and actually in the majority, it seems very likely to me that when a consumer demand is there, supply for it would be created.
In the end, this is an argument about cooperation vs competition. The argument for exclusives is basically an argument for competition. The argument against exclusives is one for cooperation. My base thinking is, why create many different consoles, that all just contain a CPU, some graphical processing unit, some way to load games on it, when you can just save the work of everyone developing their own thing and duplicating work, when everyone could just work together to create the same thing, just with more minds working together and without duplicating work.
This is a false view of humans behavior. All human behavior is logically sound, if you can't figure out the logic in it, that's on you, not on them "being illogical".
Trump certainly has motivations and subconscious thought processes that can be reasoned about. They might not be based on true views about reality, which makes them "sound illogical", but once you change your logical reasoning to not be based on an accurate depiction of reality, but based on the delusional version of reality inside Trump's brain, then his actions do start to make logical sense within that framework.
The problem is accurately figuring out his views on reality and actually putting yourself in his delusional shoes. This is incredibly hard, I certainly can't (and don't want) to do it, I just don't have the necessary information and way of obtaining it.
But also, regardless of that, Trump itself is mostly a puppet. There are people behind that actually work on more sound logic, but also have very false views of reality. Figuring out who is influencing what decision of the administration in exactly what way makes this whole explanation thing even harder.
You correctly identify it as futile, but for the wrong reasons, not because it's illogical, but because too much information is hidden from you.