I didn’t love feeling drained at the end of the day when I crashed

That can be eliminated completely: Don’t let the loss of appetite fool you, eat by exact calorie count & clock, against all instincts. Don’t take it in the morning without enough food either. After anything that would require a rest otherwise, such as a long walk, even after lunch when you didn’t have enough sleep at night, certainly after a workout, take as much rest as you’d normally need, even when you don’t feel like it. Even 20 minutes cleaning, 10 minutes rest; don’t go into a cleaning frenzy.

It goes to zero. (Experiences may vary, but I went from crashing after 3 - 4 hours to no crashes at all, being happy and productive after 14 minutes awake, then fall asleep instantly.)

You are doing a great job, getting him diagnosed so early and making this decision responsibly!

I did NOT get medicated. The problem is that it resulted in a huge number of minor traumatic experiences: Isolated in class, because I don’t keep up with topics of conversation such as trading cards, games, sports. Less successful even with the things I’m passionate about, sometimes due to trivial things such as missing training day or forgetting my equipment. Delaying things until they become a huge problem, then doing them in a painful adrenaline-filled frenzy. Pain from forcing myself to just do something such as homework or cleaning.

You did a great thing getting your son diagnosed so early! I can’t even imagine where I would be if I had that asset in my life, to just know.

I suggest to go with the science rather than anecdotes of strangers. Is the diagnosis certain, and is the benefit of medication clear? Is it the best option? From what I read, it often is, but not always.

For my own child, as it so happens also 7 years old, I’m going to do it. There are significant problems at school that make the choice easier. But I’m also using other means such as fidget toys in class and a wobble cushion.

Not looking forward to that … I slowly increased the dose over 6 months as effects were fading, but I’m near the normal adult dose.

Would Modafinil work during the “holidays”? It has a very decent effect on me, although with huge side effects, but things get done and it should not (as I understand the matter) have cross-tolerance with a stimulant.

Worst mistake I keep making: I think “I did it 2 days ago, don’t need to today.”

The reality is: Having less than one load of dirty laundry is a theoretical state that is rarely reached.

It’s an illusion, caused by stacks of laundry that “don’t count”, because they are wool and I’m waiting for a full load of wool (in reality, they add up already), or they have some other kind of “special status”.

Or heck, let’s just only ever start when there is nothing to wear, or the laundry bin is overflowing.

That is a method which actually worked out, for years! Just now, with a child, I use a dishwasher.

One big regret: As a single, I should have bought one of those tiny dishwashers that don’t need installing and can just be filled with water on top.

Nice! It worked out great in my case, but I had to lower my expectations regarding the timeline and how much I had to keep pushing for the next step. They’ll probably get you evaluated by a psychologist now and take care of the series of appointments, but you probably have to be quite pushy to get the formal diagnostic, either from a licensed psychological psychotherapist or a psychiatrist. Then, push again to get an appointment with the psychiatrist for the prescription. (Or find a local one yourself; it’s good profit for them when you are already diagnosed.) Would seem more efficient to me when the psychiatrist also does the diagnostic.

Still 100x easier than the “normal” method. It would be a great improvement when they take care of a series of appointments until you hold the prescription in your hands.

Sorry. This got way longer than I wanted it to lol

Same happened with my post …

Yes, the one thing that got better from meds alone is that I can just make the decision to start something, and I’ll do it. And that is fantastic! But my forgetfulness and “senile” behaviour is the same. I’m basically Joe Biden on speed. Mistakes happen, but things get done.

And it feels like I got “better” at doomscrolling. New trap, but I’m on it.

The thing with the spreadsheet is absolutely justified, keep it. I use my mail client to mark things as “todo”, “urgent” etc., but guess what happens … nothing.

There is a private clinic that is more streamlined: GAM Medical. You have to pay out of pocked, but honestly, even without a high paying job, it’s easier to get the money than it is to jump through all those hoops. My insurance (GKV) costs me € 1100 per month, but I still pay a few 100 out of pocket for meeting their psychiatrist once and paying for my meds.

It’s not perfect, though. They too seem to miss the point that it’s hard for us to keep pushing and prodding for the next step. I wish it were just a series of automatic appointments. It’s slow, you’ll have to keep pushing, mailing, calling them for the next and the next and the next step, but in like 6 months, there’s a good chance you got your diagnosis and your treatment, be it therapy, meds or both.

I got pretty frustrated with them, but unlike every other option I tried, they delivered - eventually.

You could, in theory, also use them just to get diagnosed. Then, it would be easier to find a psychiatrist for the prescription, because at that point, that’s a lot of money for very little effort for a doctor. Could even have insurance pay. Extra work, though.

Which ones do you find bad?

Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW08NoTQI1c

(Not that anyone cares)

I’ll certainly not fuck up this specific thing as a parent, but can’t help but wonder if I fuck up things with equal or higher impact.

I try to keep an open mind, watch out for wrong decisions and judgements, and hope that it doesn’t come to that - or that, with such diligence, my apology will be accepted when the day comes.

Nice! Yes, immediately ready food is important for our condition. It gives us the freedom to prepare something nice occasionally because we want to, not because we are already shaking and in a crash.

Understanding that I need to rest proportionally to what I do on stims, and ignore how I feel (in this particular case), has been such a breakthrough. Now I’m benefitting from meds until bedtime, not just 4 hours. I really thought the meds wore off, and that’s how it felt … but I was just dashing around with half the calories.

Yes, definitely try a few. Most are disgusting, but you only need to find one or two that work for you. “This is Food”, Jimmy Joy, Soylent, …

There are also bars and other forms, but I found that the liquids go down easiest when not hungry at all. Only two good bars: Vanilla and Almond & Fig from Jimmy Joy.

Your local supermarket probably has some of those.

It’s very different for everybody, but here are things that would apply to SOME:

• She might reject “must do now” orders. Instead of saying “Start your homework now and do it until it is finished”, change both the start and duration to something manageable. “Hey, you are home! Just relax for 20 minutes, and 5 minutes before dinner starts, get everything for your homework ready on your desk.” Starting the actual homework is far less overwhelming, then. And instead of “… until it’s done”, make a deal like: “You only have to do 12 minutes of the task, but with a challenge: 12 minutes of maximum efficiency and performance!”. When it is about cleaning the room, also provide a clear unit of work, such as a time constraint (with stopwatch, never wing it!), or toys only, dirty laundry only, a well-defined section only.
• She might already be the willpower equivalent of a body builder, because she has to do with force of will what other people have done for them, be it the frontal lobe breaking down a task, or handing out dopamine rewards that she does not get. When she starts a task such as homework, she has to face the whole tree of little steps and what could go wrong: Find the backpack, alternative plan for when the math book is not in it, the notebook has half a page left, so she will have to stop in the middle to find the new one (where is it?), …
• When she is on a productive obsession, such as reading, an instrument, an area of knowledge, let it run its course undisturbed. There might be phases in which everything feels like too much, so these phases are invaluable. Much of her skillset might come from intense obsessions rather than continuous habits.
• Focus on finding a starting point to an overwhelming task, such as point 1: Get the homework ready and in place, then do something else. It might trigger a thing where she WANTS to start immediately, and otherwise, the start will be so much easier.
• Allow her to skip homework when it is too much and write a note for the teacher. E. g. got back home sick, doctor visit on the afternoon, exhausted and unable to finish homework, but did a start. When necessary.

**It’s more like things about neurotypicals: **

• They don’t have an iron will; actually, their willpower is often much weaker. But their frontal lobe rewards even little things such as clearing the dishwasher right when it is done with little dopamine shots, which they crave and and seek out, almost involuntarily.
• When they face a task, they don’t break it down into little steps with superior conscious intellect. They see the goal, e. g. a tidy kitchen, and their frontal lobe breaks it down and tells them what the next tiny step is to get a dopamine fix. They are not overwhelmed with all the little things that need to be done and what could go wrong, e. g. that wiping a surface could fail when it turns out that the cleaner is in the bathroom or there is still dishes on it.

Love it, nothing would get done without it. A few tricks and changes I applied over the decades:

• When you are in a hard spot, or habit building, or a child, 25 minutes can be too much. How about 10 minutes. The thought that after those 10 minutes I’ll be more skilled at X than ever before IN MY LIFE can be quite motivating.
• Similarly, how about just ONE session? Seems ridiculous, but what I got done with that over 10 years is nothing short of amazing.
• Be super-serious about it. You can get water upfront, you can go to the toilet, but not once the session started. It’s essentially Squid Game, and only the player who crammed the most into their head survives. If you have to pee, you pee in your pants. You don’t get water. When you do break the rules, e. g. because there is literally a fire (react to fire only if survival chance is < 90 %), the session is marked as failed and you are done for the day. It’s DEFINITELY better than half-assing two sessions even a little bit, like reacting to a phone buzz or door bell or getting water.
• Audio-Log. Your task is serious (see above), it’s like reviving a frozen Neanderthal. Example: “It’s Jan 1 2025 3 p.m. Ready to start the 25 minute countdown and point of no return … now. Ok, max performance needed. Item of highest priority: Find position in book and recap what we learned yesterday with a 42 second timebox. Note: After 42 seconds, acquisition of new information directly will become more effective than preparing for it. Timebox counting down now on second timer. …” I just hope nobody ever finds my audio logs, or I’m in the nuthouse for good.

One of the things I love about it is that it gives a unit of measure. It’s no longer like: I want to be a programmer, so I have to do this for a couple of years with no clear end. It’s a unit of progress that can go on a todo-list and be checked off.

So yes, for learning new things, it’s still my way to go. Usually with 1 unit per day only, 45 minutes, sometimes 25. Most other tasks offer a different breakdown. E. g. cleaning up - can’t just do it. But it is less threatening with checkable tasks like: 1. put all garbage in a bag. 2. put all non-foods in box 1. 3. …

I work from home, and I have to use lots of methods. Then it works.

Just two examples:

• I always have to work strictly with todo-lists. When it’s not on a list, it’s not getting done. On the other hand, putting it on the list, rather than doing it, feels like 55 % of the mental effort.

• Implementation intention: My brain takes offence to “must do now” orders. Instead, when I catch myself on a youtube/scrolling binge, I set a trigger (e. g. time, end of video) at which I do one item from the list. If there is no list, I write the list. That way, I get to continue enjoying for a bit longer, but now guilt-free (!), and can continue guilt-free after doing that one thing.

I think the big picture is huge and not entirely known. One angle: A cause of ADHD is a bad gut biome. This may also affect the bioavailability of micronutrients, thus leading the deficiencies. Compensating for that by taking more, with supplements, could help with additional symptoms.

Long before I had a diagnosis or meds, I had some good runs, few years even, and even back then, I saw the link to certain foods. When fixing multiple problems at the same time, the effect was enormous.

Some caffeine, but well distributed, as a poor man’s stimulant, combined with drinking a lot, very specific foods … I think it was a mix of “medication”, hydration, gut biome (low sugar, probiotic foods) and fixing multiple deficiencies at the same time. When that extra energy results in more physical activity, additional amplification happens.

So yes, I believe that multi-vector attacks on your health problems work in synergy, better than the sum of their parts.

As for iron specifically, a lot can be done wrong. What I recall: Best in the morning before first coffee / tee and some time in-between, with Vitamin C. Personally, I can’t stomach it, so I got to ignore that rule and just take it with the biggest meal.

What works best for me is to focus on what I CAN fully control. Taking a hike and having fun is overwhelming, because who knows how I will feel. On the other hand, making the plan to eat my lunch sandwich at the lake (hiking destination) is totally doable.

When there is no list and the weekend starts, I work with implementation intention: Totally do keep scrolling until time X, then make the todo-list, then back to scrolling. Next thing would be to do ONE item from the list at time Y.

It’s similar with the “plan” to sleep at midnight. Better: By midnight, I’ll be setup perfectly so that I could sleep, the rest is not my job: Pyjamas, teeth brushed, room temperature, bed ready. Sometimes that leads to sleep, sometimes it doesn’t, but better than when I don’t even give it a chance, or when I feel pressure to fall asleep.