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AddLemmus

@ AddLemmus @lemmy.ml

Posts

20
Comments

260
Joined

1 yr. ago

6d ago

Biggest Dopamine Hijackers
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3

AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 6d ago
I finally became more aware of this and realise mid-response that this is nonsense. But by then I'm invested.
My solution: A file "nobody-cares.txt" where I can paste it, which feels easier than just closing the tab.
Therapist says this is a fine first idea, but by doing so, I still attribute value to this nonsense. So next step is to just discard everything I had typed. Actually feels good sometimes.

4w ago

how to keep doing something?

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 4w ago

Not sure if just trying more methods will help you, but here are some that happen to consistently work for me:

Always work with a list.
When everything seems overwhelming and I can't get myself to start, just pick ONE item from the list.
If there is no list, just making the list will do. It may be empty. Done for now, enough, no need to start on it yet.
Granular items.
- Instead of "pack suitcase", break it down like "get suitcase out".
- Split the task of "read X" and "understand X". That stops obstructive thoughts like "I wouldn't understand it anyway, and then I'd need to as ... but can't right now because ...".
The only new breakthrough from this year: When even doing one item from the list feels like too much, only simulate doing them in your head: https://lemmy.ml/post/36147982
I have a section of "structural improvements". Those are things that, once done, improve my life, forever. E. g. getting this diagnosis. Getting a dishwasher. Getting a maid. Unlike, for example, clean the kitchen, which is temporary.
implementation intention: Might feel overwhelming to "stop browsing right now", but set a timer to stop in 5 minutes. Or "when the timer finishes, I'll do the simulations on list items".

Real habit building still does not work for me, though, even with a specialist therapist. That'd be the real deal.

4w ago

Yes, still do it, and it still works! The pressure from having to do something when I don't feel like it is gone. Just the simulation is mandatory, and if none of the things appeal to me during the simulation, I'm off the hook, guilt-free.

Still enough gets done that way.

1mo ago

Is there a drug that can give an autist a "normie experience"?

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 1mo ago

Same, but meds in combination with my learned copes and methods, before and after diagnostic, is a miracle drug.

For example:

I catch myself focusing on a news site or lemmy -> set a 5 minute timer when to stop
pick an item from my todo-list. If no list is present, only make the list, then allow myself to do whatever I want
don't feel like any of those things -> just simulate doing them in my head. If still none appeal to me, I can do what I want. It happens often enough that I want to do one after the "simulation".

1mo ago

You will mean nothing

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 1mo ago

If only there were a way to keep a song "fresh" forever, while also listen to it all the time!

I'd live in a state of eternal bliss. I'd take brain surgery for this. Or some kind of selective amnesia drug, which still allows to form the memory of the blissful state without the changes in the brain that we know as over-listening.

More realistically, maybe an AI that finds a song that is like that for me? Current algorithms really don't help much at all, even for finding "ok" songs. It must be a complex, individual thing, based on unique events and emotions and their associations. Sometimes it appears to be a song I heard before, and it didn't invoke anything back then, often decades ago, but the brain somehow built something around that impression that lit up like a Christmas tree when it played again.

I also wonder if I'll keep finding songs like this, or if one of them will be the last.

2mo ago

This Gas Station Drug Nearly Ruined My Life | Evan Edinger [25:21]

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 2mo ago

Opioids, and Kratom, as it's similar, work great against a variety of mental problems for a short time. I believe some opioids and tianeptine, which is not that different, are even prescribed against depression occasionally. The "sweet spot" is not the big high, but an ever so mildly euphoric state, as from "softer" opioid painkillers.

Regarding painkiller opioids at moderate medical doses, I found the time for which it works to be about 6 months. Then, you'd really have to up the dose significantly or stop immediately.

Even if you do stop then, it's the "small hell" of withdrawal already, it can take weeks and months to be your former self with all the same problems again, and having to take it medically will be an issue for years to come.

The system really needs to get it together, diagnose and treat people. Self medication doesn't work out that well.

2mo ago

I can always tell when I use one of my hoarded ADHD meds...

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 2mo ago

It can get excessive in my case. So my trick is this: I made a file "nobody-cares.txt" and just paste the comment in there instead of submitting it. For someone with ADHD, that feels almost as good as submitting it, because I COULD do that later!

I was quite proud of that method, but my therapist said that this still attributes value to the comment and thus the social media activity. So the next step would be to cancel, even after typing a long comment.

2mo ago

I had a good day

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 2mo ago

Used to have a girlfriend with a cat who trotted along at my side as I was doing stuff around the apartment complex. Garden, picking up / delivering packages for neighbours, laundry, just taking a walk. She was an indoor cat, but it just meant that she wasn't outside unsupervised in her case. Bonus sadness that with the breakup, the cat was gone as well. These errands were a lot more fun with her, and people were a lot more friendly.

2mo ago

Ive been diagnosed with ADHD, on the waiting list for meds

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 2mo ago

I tried many forms of caffeine as well, and this was the best. You'd think black tea evenly distributed or small cups of coffee would have the same effect, but no. Don't ask me why, guarana works best for a smooth effect without peaks and downs.

You can't make anything nice like coffee with it, so imo, best to just swallow the powder in capsules.

2mo ago

Ive been diagnosed with ADHD, on the waiting list for meds

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 2mo ago

The extra harm from the extra months when they COULD help you is so bad and unnecessary - I hate it! When suspected, I was happy to get an appointment for my kid in 4 - 5 months (very good!). That was just a talk asking me who I am and what I want. Following psychologist appointments for the tests, which I could only even start scheduling after that talk. Then, I needed a doc appointment to read the test results to me, 6 week waiting time. After that, I was allowed to make the appointment with the same doc to prescribe the meds. Nothing really to decide or talk about, there is one recommended way to go (low dose methylphenidate), insurance would not cover anything else anyway when that has never even been tried. Optionally occupational therapy as alternative / in addition.

In the end, it took a year.

Sorry, this is about your situation. Where do you live? Maybe something else is much easier to get, like Modafinil, which can even be highly effective. In case you can get that one, watch out for its extreme incompatibility with SO many other meds, though. Probably got to stop taking it and wait a day / days before starting on your real meds. Not a good one to self-medicate; there's a reason it's prescription only.

You could also get bloodwork and a heart check already so they can't "stall" further using that as an excuse.

2mo ago

Do it. Do. It.

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 2mo ago

Implementation intention can also be a good thing, though.

Starting at 6:00 is better than trying to force it "right now", failing, and doing nothing. Or exerting more willpower and pain than necessary.

2mo ago

Conversation trees

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 2mo ago

Occasionally I have that friend, yes, but I think most of them just endure my autistic unload, be it out of politeness, to unload theirs, or because they just don't mind that much.

In my current phase in life, it's too much for everybody :-)

2mo ago

Anyone else end up psyching themselves out?

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 2mo ago

It's like this little devil on my shoulders, repeating the same lies over and over again, and odd enough, it works quite often:

I can't possibly do the whole cleaning before sleep.
Sure, I could take the garbage out or clean only the sink, but that's so little that it won't help anyway. Better do nothing.
It's just these two important things on the weekend; I don't need a list for that. (Narrator: It's never only two things.)

2mo ago

Nicotine?

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 2mo ago

Many have been there: How much damage in life is happening between suspecting it's ADHD and receiving treatment.

What I found most effective is Modafinil, if you happen to live in a place where it's considered a lower schedule prescription drug and is easily accessible. It's less safe, so follow doctor's orders and instructions carefully. Use 1/8th of a pill to check tolerance on day 1.

If you have not built tolerance to caffeine, that is effective for a couple of months as well. Consider guaraná or black tea if you need a lasting effect for many hours.

Another option is if you ever got a prescription of an anti-depressant that works off-label for ADHD as well and have some left over. Many of them take a month to work, but sometimes, the ADHD effect is immediate.

Of course, when you get your real prescription, check if you need to stop the temporary one first! In case of some anti depressants, that can be several days.

3mo ago

Rare Candy

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 3mo ago

I always underestimate how much there is to do. "Oh just laundry and that form basically, two things. Picking up the package should be clear. No list needed, easy day!"

Then, when I really don't make a list, I don't even do these three things. When I do make a list, it's many, many more things, but a higher chance to do several of those.

And yes, when I don't check it off from the list, and be it by adding just to check it off, it feels like I did nothing.

3mo ago

Oh great

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 3mo ago

Yes, but they are starting to improve on that. 2 years ago, you could have a lot of fun with prompts like "draw a room with absolutely no elephants in it".

3mo ago

Oh great

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 3mo ago

Definitely know that problem. Sometimes, I use just one term in lack of a better one that I'm not entirely happy with, and the LLM completely pinpoints on that and never lets go.

I call the problem "tuskification". Because that one time, I discussed walrusses. And later in the same conversation, I had some other things drawn, entirely unrelated, many exchanges later. And somehow, it influenced all of that. E. g. there was a hamster in a cage as a small part of the drawing, and it had tusks. Or a thirsty lost person in a desert, you guessed it: Has tusks.

Got me to be like: Nonono, just draw completely normal people, who have absolutely no tusks! You wouldn't believe the nightmare it drew after that. Apparently it interpreted it as: Humanoids whose faces resemble proboscidae from a time before they developed a full trunk and tusks.

3mo ago

The true savior of the house

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 3mo ago

Even more absurd when they reach this sad state: Too dirty to wear, not dirty enough to wash.

Similar to old-ish things in the fridge that are not completely spoiled, so I can't throw them out, but they are already too unappetising to be eaten right now.

3mo ago

My sense of self is under attack

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 3mo ago

omg, what an absurd use of this meme ...

3mo ago

Tried Vyvanse for the first time today

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AddLemmus @lemmy.ml 3mo ago

Effect can vary a lot. I did a tolerance test with 5 mg, and even that was mind blowing. Effect was short, but my executive dysfunction was completely fixed. I cleaned, worked out, did calls and wrote letters I had been putting off for weeks. It felt like a fantastic dopamine shower.

Then, for a long time, I went with 10 - 15 mg. Slowly working up to 50 over 6 months.

The "mind blowing" effect is really fading hard one year later, though. I'm pretty sure that it's not really what the doctors want. They want regulation of dopamine and noradrenaline in the prefrontal cortex, which is a benefit that does not diminish over time. What gives the amazing feeling is excess dopamine in other regions of the brain, like a recreational drug, and that fades.