Holy shit.

Is this real?

Ohhhh, I misunderstood what you were saying. Yeah, you guys are like the only ones in the Northeast where you can’t buy anything. Always blows my mind

Which states are getting that money?

Man, I always get tricked by these fucking Onion articles. Oh wait…

Can I remove these without issue? I have a shocking amount of them.

Your minivan is huge too…

And your speakers are on subscription plans that charge you for every second that they play noise. Better upgrade to the next tier if you want to listen to anything else!

How do you have 1000 bottles of lube? This must be that slippery slope I’ve been hearing so much about.

Lol eat shit Harvey

Then he’d really be fucked.

Mine only seems to do 3 at a time.

You didn’t pay a fee for dining in. Fuck off.

Buddy got that Schenectady eye.

What the hell are these pieces of shit thinking?

Might take a look at these. Love Motorola products.

Dude had a one night stand with a gator. Impressive.

Looked like a cocktail napkin.

Old people bleed extremely easily. I wouldn’t be surprised if he caught/scratched his ear on the way down.

Happy National Tequila Day!