what even is reclaiming self-worth?

i keep an ongoing self-sabotage streak with what good universe gives me, with little sense of self-worth, no place of security, feeling constant deja vu illusions about the future to not feel surprised in the present.

i never get angry because i feel unentitled to be that - my boundaries are scary to defend.

i keep pushing myself to not disappoint because it feels like life and death exclusion - yet i always fail what i set out to not disappoint with because i was running on steam.