I love being gay more now than ever.

To preface.. For a long time I was incredibly unsure about my sexuality. I was an autistic "cis" woman who absolutely adored gay media (yes; I was a fujoshi) and I felt for a long time that I WAS queer but I didn't know exactly how; I felt like I was taking up space being in queer womens spaces so I seldom participated in them and that led to me never truly exploring my sexuality despite me knowing I only liked men. I always labeled myself as bisexual or on the ace spectrum when I was clearly aware those labels didn't fit me, just because I didn't know how to explain how I felt on the inside.

Now, I am 2+ years on testosterone, I have undergone top surgery and I am going to get my rhinoplasty in the next 6 months for a more masc face. I have never felt more happy in my life. I can actually bare to look at myself in the mirror, I can actually love my body and begin to explore parts of myself that were so ardently locked behind my dysphoria. It's like so many doors have opened for me and I realize that this is who I am, and that even though I am still am fairly new into medically transitioning I could TRULY never see myself in another way.

I love men more passionately now and I can appreciate masculinity more richly. I have never felt gayer in my life. I thank Lou Sullivan for all of his activism work to show that gay and lesbian trans people existed, and I am so happy to be a gay transgender man.

"I don't even know if there was anyone that's ever felt as I do.. how they coped, what they did...how do I find out what someone like me does?” ― Louis Graydon Sullivan, We Both Laughed in Pleasure: The Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan